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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Well, I wanted coffee, but the pot needed to be cleaned, and the sink had some dishes to be washed, and ...

But I needed coffee, so I did what I had to do. Good thing I wasn’t awake for the process.


5,001 posted on 03/12/2016 6:01:13 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I had a bottle of Starbuck’s in the fridge, and just opened it. I normally don’t drink the stuff, but it just called out to me to buy it.

Actually, I didn’t want to wait for a home brewed cup to chill. ;o]

Morning, Bob!


5,002 posted on 03/12/2016 6:06:09 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face
"I didn't want to wait for a home brewed cup to chill."

Sorry, kiddo, but coffee isn't company. It's similar to a morning ablution for your innards.

With the morning cuppa out of the way, I can start blinking.

5,003 posted on 03/12/2016 6:39:57 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I may need another cup before the day is over. For now, I’m OK.

The sun is up finally, but it’s still fairly cool out. I SO want summer! Some days this winter, I thought I would never be warm again. I get like that. I don’t like it.


5,004 posted on 03/12/2016 6:45:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

Out with Cub Scouts, now on my way to choir practice. DP and Bill the Son are running 22 miles this morning.


5,005 posted on 03/12/2016 6:52:43 AM PST by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"DP and Bill the Son are running 22 miles this morning."

I think that explains why my wife insists on filling the gas tank when it gets half-empty.

5,006 posted on 03/12/2016 6:59:36 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick

I went out to put some stuff in the Dumpster, wasn’t prepared for how cold it was. Then I saw that the Sheep Range and Mt Charleston both got a new layer of snow. This is good for the water tables!

I woke up twice in the night, needing more Benedryl. I’ll be very happy when the pollen is down to lower figures. 9.7 is just too many for my comfort.


5,007 posted on 03/12/2016 8:13:08 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: NicknamedBob

Since I know things can change in a heartbeat, I prefer to fill the tank again when it reaches half-full, too.

Always be prepared...I just need a three day Bug-Out bag, and don’t have the $150 to get it. I also need to get another case of bottled water. Cheap, but necessary. Especially in the summer.


5,008 posted on 03/12/2016 8:16:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

5,009 posted on 03/12/2016 8:35:19 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

And nothing significant yet! Another successful Undead Thread!


5,010 posted on 03/12/2016 8:44:09 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: moose07

Thanks, Moosie!


5,011 posted on 03/12/2016 8:50:22 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: NicknamedBob

Yessiree! We aim to please absolutely no one.


5,012 posted on 03/12/2016 8:51:05 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: NicknamedBob; Monkey Face

Truly a Mission Accomplished!
5000 posts of personal diary and general chat, a true success. :)


5,013 posted on 03/12/2016 8:53:42 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Yahbut, there are a lot of us who have contributed. I just saw that no one was around to grab it, so I did!

And now, I’m trying to clean house a little at a time for my company next weekend. It’s going to be a lot of fun, I can tell!

The bedroom is done, except for sweeping and the kitchen is pretty much done. It’s just the living room that is the pig sty. It looks...well, LIVED in! LOL! I was hoping to shampoo the rug before the visit, but that will depend on my stamina. Some days, it just isn’t there.

And it’s COLD out, what with new snow on the Sheep Range to the north and Mt Charleston to the west. *shudder* And I have to sweep the patio again, too. The wind blew such a large amount of debris into it, that I’m already discouraged. :o|


5,014 posted on 03/12/2016 9:08:49 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

DP is having issues with allergies right now, too.

I’m back home after a very busy morning. Next there’s lunch to figure out, and then I don’t know what. It’s very nice out.

St. Patrick’s party at church tonight. Everyone gets a meal for $25 total.


5,015 posted on 03/12/2016 9:20:24 AM PST by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

(((Hugs)))


5,016 posted on 03/12/2016 9:35:31 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m sorry about DP’s allergies. As much as I’ve been suffering from them this year, I really don’t like to see someone else going through the same misery.

If I had the money, I would go to one of the little local casinos here for a yummy corned beef and cabbage meal on Thursday. Or I could buy the corned beef and cabbage and make my own...

It sure sounds yummy. They are probably serving it today, what with the St Pat’s Day parade, but the places will be packed. It would be fun to cook it, though... I could even make it in my crock pot. :o]) And I bet my company would like it, too!


5,017 posted on 03/12/2016 10:45:15 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: moose07

Thanks, Moosie! I really needed that! :o])


5,018 posted on 03/12/2016 10:45:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face
Is everybody on the Right Coast sleeping in today?

Yes.

It's to make up for losing an hour tonight.. ;-)


5,019 posted on 03/12/2016 11:50:45 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Didn’t I just see that on FB? Say...who are you, anyway?...
Nevermind. You know who I am so you can PM me on FB -— unless you want to remain unanimous.

;o])


5,020 posted on 03/12/2016 12:08:50 PM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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