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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Cool. Spring Break.

I vaguely recall those. I went to Palm Springs once.

It wasn’t so much the “Spring” part, but the “Break” that attracted me. I’d like to find another one sometime.

We’re smack in between Conservatorship hearings, property suit mediation, filing, bedroom reorganization, Last Semester of Senior Year for one of the tribal elder sons, a Sweet 16, a week of corporate travel, now TWO cars suffering mechanical failures of significant cost...

Egad!

At least it’s been raining steadily enough that maybe the Leftcabal will tone down the “Drought Forever” rhetoric a bit this summer, AND our creek has behaved itself quite admirably and stayed nicely between its banks during all of the various weather events.


4,981 posted on 03/11/2016 5:29:44 PM PST by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: HKMk23

We have some of those things. Not the conservatorship-etc., but Bill is in his last semester of college, Elen’s about to finish high school, Sally will be 16 on the 30th ... but the cars work.

We’re supposed to get storms on Sunday.


4,982 posted on 03/11/2016 5:38:26 PM PST by Tax-chick (Have a colonoscopy first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen the rest of the day.)
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To: Tax-chick
"Only $8, he said,"

Tom sounds very thoughtful and kind. A much better young man than I ever was.

It is a hard lesson; to not be afraid to be kind.

4,983 posted on 03/11/2016 6:23:07 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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Would appear as if the hard drive in my Linux box has expired.

Was using it and refreshed a page when things seized up. Mouse was good, display was active other than the page that never reloaded. Then it gave me an error screen and tried to reboot. That gave me a ‘master boot record’ error.

I shut it down and went into the BIOS.. seems that the hard drive that is connected to sata port 0 is not there, or isn’t on speaking terms with the BIOS. I’m trying to remember the age/history of that drive (the linux box was built with salvaged parts for the most part.) I just don’t remember if the 1TB drive was reclaimed from some other unit that I retired or whether I actually broke down and bought a new one. In any case it had not displayed any symptoms of its pending demise.

It won’t get investigated further until after the weekend since we have an invasion of grandchillens to occupy all available time..


4,984 posted on 03/11/2016 6:28:41 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NicknamedBob

He always brings Kathleen presents. It’s the taste that counts, not the dollars. To her, the most important think was that the glass bezel was purple.


4,985 posted on 03/11/2016 6:38:12 PM PST by Tax-chick (Have a colonoscopy first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen the rest of the day.)
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To: NoCmpromiz
"Would appear as if the hard drive in my Linux box has expired."

Our toys become more and more like living things, but people still deny their ever-lengthening childhood.

It's why I give my age as seven. I want to be honest about it; I am not working on a second childhood, for I have not yet surrendered the first.

4,986 posted on 03/11/2016 7:02:48 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob
I give my age as seven.

Seven's ok. But Jeffty is five, you know.

Reminds me that I need to ask Baby Sis if she is celebrating her 29th birthday this year. It's coming up just 'round the corner on the Ides.

Five years older than Baby Sis is not such a bad age to be. If only it wasn't as hard now. I seem to remember it being easier once.

And as long as I am never forced to discuss my toy's peculiar personality traits with some psychobabbler I can remain uncommitted...

4,987 posted on 03/11/2016 7:44:01 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NicknamedBob

And pun-ishment!


4,988 posted on 03/11/2016 7:55:29 PM PST by Silentgypsy (Mind your atomic bonds.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Poor Bambi. Poor grill.


4,989 posted on 03/11/2016 7:57:08 PM PST by Silentgypsy (Mind your atomic bonds.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Silentgypsy
"I can remain uncommitted..."

Remaining uncommitted is a good thing, but the main thing is to remember to observe the world around with the eyes of a young child.

The world is filled with wonder, but you only see it if you look. Too many of us go around with downcast gaze. That's not the way to see the rainbows.

You catch rainbows the same way you catch snowflakes on your tongue; you have to keep your head up!

4,990 posted on 03/11/2016 8:46:14 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

4,991 posted on 03/12/2016 3:14:11 AM PST by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: HKMk23

I had one of those 4-cup brewers for years, but still, it was too much coffee for me, and I ended up throwing out at least half the pot. If I make coffee now, and I don’t feel like drinking it right away, I stick it in the fridge.

I saw one of those 4-cup jobbies at Walmart a couple of years ago, but it was almost as expensive as a 12 cup job.

For the most part, I’m the only person here, so one cup is all I really need.


4,992 posted on 03/12/2016 5:19:56 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m glad Tom the son is back from Spring Break. I hope he had fun!

The bracelet sounds beautiful, and I’m sure Kathleen will treasure it, once she is old enough to take care of it.


4,993 posted on 03/12/2016 5:21:57 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Tax-chick; HKMk23

No one in my family went to college, and darn few of us finished high school, including me. And my vehicle is running well this year!

It’s 17 degrees cooler this morning than it was this time yesterday, but the wind HOWLED all yesterday afternoon, and last night. I didn’t learn the MPH or the gust speed, but the floor of my patio is covered with round, flat seedlings.

Bah. Humbug. I just swept it a couple of days ago.


4,994 posted on 03/12/2016 5:27:12 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Tax-chick

Yes. That would be me.

I’m hoping to gather up some interest in straightening up this place for my company next weekend. If I can get started on it today, I can do a little bit each day until the place is looking like a magazine ad...for a teenage bedroom!

But right now, I’m waiting for the morphine to kick in. Nothing will be done until my lower back is less painful.

If I had enough money, I’d go to WinCo and get a bag of chicken wings. This would be a good time to go, since they are open 24-7.


4,995 posted on 03/12/2016 5:37:15 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: NicknamedBob

I don’t ever want to lose my sense of wonder at the world!
And I never want to grow up. Life is too short!


4,996 posted on 03/12/2016 5:38:31 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: NoCmpromiz; ArGee; NicknamedBob; Tax-chick; Silentgypsy; All

What? Is everybody on the Right Coast sleeping in today?


4,997 posted on 03/12/2016 5:40:14 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

Ok den...


4,998 posted on 03/12/2016 5:40:33 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

I’ll...


4,999 posted on 03/12/2016 5:40:49 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

wait.


5,000 posted on 03/12/2016 5:41:00 AM PST by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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