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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Darksheare; ArGee; sionnsar; abigailsmybaby; A CA Guy; airborne; Aloysius88; Altariel; ...

” And then enjoy a nice cup of tea”

Or....AHEM....coffee ?


41 posted on 12/11/2015 8:01:12 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (My Batting Average( 1,000) since Nov 2014 (GOPe is that easy to read))
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To: sionnsar; abigailsmybaby; A CA Guy; afnamvet; airborne; Allegra; Altariel; Anoreth; Anton.Rutter; ..

We’re HERE!!!!

Hot cocoa (laced with rum or not) and chocolate chip cookies (not laced with anything) are in the usual spot in the Library.

C’mon in, unpack and enjoy some refreshments before you start the day in the Habitats.


42 posted on 12/11/2015 8:04:54 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

Wow. Such low numbers... :o])


43 posted on 12/11/2015 8:07:16 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: ArGee; Darksheare; moose07; Tax-chick; JRios1968; null and void; Monkey Face

44 posted on 12/11/2015 8:08:22 AM PST by Old Sarge
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To: Old Sarge

LOL!


45 posted on 12/11/2015 8:28:45 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (My Batting Average( 1,000) since Nov 2014 (GOPe is that easy to read))
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To: ArGee

I will have some fun using your post, whenever we are told about some inane action by the outhouse ignoring the deadly dangers Islamic terrorism.


46 posted on 12/11/2015 8:49:05 AM PST by Grampa Dave (Obama has groomed CAIR to be THE voice of Islam in the USA as a dangerous political force in the USA)
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To: stephenjohnbanker

So. Did you get your mattress pad?


47 posted on 12/11/2015 9:06:05 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Old Sarge

*snort*


48 posted on 12/11/2015 9:17:35 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: ArGee

LOL!


49 posted on 12/11/2015 9:29:01 AM PST by MEG33 (God Bless America And Our Troops)
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To: null and void

Nully, old friend, I understand the first part—I should have pinged holdonnow—but I know he has not actively posted in a very long time.

The second part I will need you to translate for me. I’m a he.


50 posted on 12/11/2015 9:34:54 AM PST by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: exit82

I’m going to imagine that Nully and I have brains that work similarly (I’m so sorry about that, Nully) in that the phrase “February of last year” triggered the memory of the song and out it popped.

It drives Mrs. ArGee crazy when I do that random association thing.


51 posted on 12/11/2015 9:58:29 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Monkey Face; Gefn

52 posted on 12/11/2015 9:59:02 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee; null and void

Argee, random association is the sign of a great mind.

Maybe I just don’t know the song.


53 posted on 12/11/2015 10:02:57 AM PST by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: ArGee

Ah. I see.


54 posted on 12/11/2015 10:06:57 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee

Afternoon, y’all. On the cultural appropriation front, they played Christmas music during yoga class this morning.

It was irritating. Instead of thinking about which direction my knees were going, I was thinking, “Stop messing with the tempo! Quit overemoting and just do the song!”


55 posted on 12/11/2015 10:11:45 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: exit82; null and void

Well, I wouldn’t say you were missing much but in case you’re curious...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5fBdpreJiU


56 posted on 12/11/2015 10:16:21 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Old Sarge

“Well Now, What have we here?”
“Did You ever see such a thing in your Whole life?”

LoL!


57 posted on 12/11/2015 10:39:03 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; Covenantor; null and void; NicknamedBob; stephenjohnbanker; ...

Has anyone seen my pigmy T-Rex? I’m afraid I might have left him in the old place. If I did and he gets hungry he’s going to surprise the next lurker there.

If you packed any meat sticks dump out the container before you stick your hand in.


58 posted on 12/11/2015 10:41:11 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: JRios1968

The Obama family portrait?


59 posted on 12/11/2015 10:43:06 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Gefn; ArGee; Darksheare
Where else would the dead go?

I have been informed by a reliable souse, er, source that they congregate in Camden and Trenton.

With Auxiliary Enclaves in Newark and Paterson...

60 posted on 12/11/2015 10:48:29 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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