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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: stephenjohnbanker

Smart man!!

We aren’t expected to get that low, but the wind makes everything uglier. What elevation are you, there? We’re 2700’ where I live.


241 posted on 12/14/2015 9:56:58 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m pretty sure he would!

It was fun. Like I said: I miss it.

As an aside: That shirt I got at the Charlotte Motor Speedway is WAY big on me, now. Funny! It was pretty tight when I first wore it! LOL!


242 posted on 12/14/2015 9:59:09 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face
It would be so nice to hear another voice besides my own!

I have the opposite problem. I can't get the other voices to pipe down.

Sometimes they belong to other people. That gets a little embarassing since I'm supposed to listen to them.

243 posted on 12/14/2015 9:59:19 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

The voices in my head sound just like me. Go figger.


244 posted on 12/14/2015 10:00:18 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

Do NOT put yogurt in your mouse.

It will only ask for more.

(It would rather have a cookie, but they aren’t all that choosey.)


245 posted on 12/14/2015 10:02:22 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

Thanks. Learning to navigate with the mousepad thingy is an exercise in frustration.

I’m not sure I have the patience for much of that. :o|


246 posted on 12/14/2015 10:05:56 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

Jesus loves the little children.

We learned that in Sunday School.

The adults? That’s a different story.


247 posted on 12/14/2015 10:29:29 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Monkey Face
The voices in my head sound just like me.

Woah! That would be creepy.

Go figger.

OK. Two and two are four.
Four and four are eight.
Eight and eight are sixteen.
Sixteen and sixteen are - sorry, not enough fingers and toes for that one.

248 posted on 12/14/2015 10:32:39 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face

Thutty 2.


249 posted on 12/14/2015 10:56:12 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (My Batting Average( 1,000) since Nov 2014 (GOPe is that easy to read))
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To: Tax-chick

The doctor’s office just called and said my BP “was a little high,” and would I come in for a BP check?

I figured I’d go after I took it at home, first. HAH! The batteries in the BP cuff are dead. That thing really eats the batteries! I’m lucky if it lasts a month, every other day or so of readings, certainly not every day. Dang. And the BP has been down lately, so I check it about every third to fifth day.

The voice on the other end of the phone sounded like she had been indulging in something illegal...slow speech, slurring words, etc. *sheesh*


250 posted on 12/14/2015 11:11:32 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face
Maybe it's one of those Asian round pear trees? You know, like the ones they have at our local Chineese-run 'farm' market that they sell for twice as much as they sell the Bartletts for.

Don't know if 'a Partridge in a yellow delicious apple tree' would fit in the song.

And it could be that Rick Sarmiento is better at photoshop than botany..

251 posted on 12/14/2015 11:20:15 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; stephenjohnbanker; NoCmpromiz; Darksheare; Covenantor; All

I found this on the FB thingy and had to share it!

http://www.usworldreport.com/hilarious-beginners-guide-to-police-harassment/


252 posted on 12/14/2015 11:20:43 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Ah. That would ‘splain it, thanks! I’ve never heard of those Asian round pears, but if they taste as good as American pears, I’m sold!

(I love pears!) (And peaches.) (And apricots.)


253 posted on 12/14/2015 11:23:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: Monkey Face

With all that harassing, how do they find the time to eat the donuts?


254 posted on 12/14/2015 11:26:15 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Monkey Face

Love is such a funny word.

I love my mom.
I love my wife.
I love my dog.
I love apple pie.

Same word, four completely different meanings.


255 posted on 12/14/2015 11:27:35 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; ArGee; HKMk23; NicknamedBob
It would be good Theology if it had ended that way though...
256 posted on 12/14/2015 11:28:46 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face
Love is such a funny word... Same word, four completely different meanings.

On the other hand, if it were Greek you'd have more words.. ;-)

257 posted on 12/14/2015 11:33:06 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; ArGee; HKMk23; NicknamedBob

“It would be good Theology if it had ended that way though... “

YEP


258 posted on 12/14/2015 11:33:53 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (My Batting Average( 1,000) since Nov 2014 (GOPe is that easy to read))
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To: ArGee

They didn’t mention donuts, just the coffee. Maybe they use straws for that. Or maybe donuts are dunked... ;o]


259 posted on 12/14/2015 11:33:58 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
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To: JRios1968

Hillary’s or perhaps Bernie’s.. There is little to visibly differentiate between them. ;-)


260 posted on 12/14/2015 11:40:14 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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