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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face
It won't hurt anything to reboot the kindle.

Make sure you are putting the correct password in - the one supplied with the router.

Just went through that before Christmas and ended up setting the kindle fire back to factory settings and going from there. It cleaned a lot of unused apps off and you still own them via Amazon.

Good luck.

1,981 posted on 01/12/2016 8:36:51 AM PST by Abby4116
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To: Abby4116

Thanks. I have so many free books that I wasn’t able to download that I feel like I’ve lost a lot of reading time.

It seems to have wiped out my archives, but they should still be available.

*hug*


1,982 posted on 01/12/2016 8:56:49 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Monkey Face

By re-set, do you mean factory re-set? Or just a re-boot? The latter is safe. The former I might have to check on.

I flashed a BIOS once that failed on a Toshiba laptop. I had to send it back to the company to get it repaired.


1,983 posted on 01/12/2016 9:25:25 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Monkey Face; NoCmpromiz; fanfan; ArGee; NicknamedBob; Mrs. Don-o
Hi! Back from Weight Watchers, secondhand store, picking Tom up, Walmart. The store didn't have anything I wanted to but it was on the way, spatiotemporally, between WW and CPCC.

I forgot to tell you that on Sunday, we had a presentation at church of the people who are joining the Church this spring. They're called "candidates" for Baptism, Confirmation, etc., so the director of the program in Spanish was saying "candidatos" repeatedly.

After they all stood up, Frank leaned over to me and said, "Mama, all those people are Canadians!"

1,984 posted on 01/12/2016 9:27:19 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: ArGee

Quack!


1,985 posted on 01/12/2016 9:27:37 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Monkey Face
Glad it worked :)

Your entire library should be available on Amazon.

1,986 posted on 01/12/2016 9:33:48 AM PST by Abby4116
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To: Tax-chick

Quackana


1,987 posted on 01/12/2016 9:34:38 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

I re-booted it, but until I read the instructions at Amazon, I didn’t know how to do that.

As an experiment (more for my own curiosity than anything else, I downloaded a book and it worked. It’s good because I get notices for free books every day, and they’ve been stuck in the cloud.

Next I will do the Nook and hope that is easy, too. I would rather use it than the Kindle for the most part because the Nook is backlit, but I have a battery-operated reading light for the Kindle, and the batteries don’t last long.


1,988 posted on 01/12/2016 9:46:21 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Abby4116

It is, thank you. Except, of course, the books I have on the Nook, and that is different... I will try that in a bit.


1,989 posted on 01/12/2016 9:47:26 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Tax-chick

Frank is funny!

The heater in the BB SUV is a darn good one, because by the time I got to Walmart, the frost was gone off the windshield.
And I was glad of that. I noticed as I was coming out of WW that there were two other cars with frosted windshields, too, so they must be from the same neighborhood. Not every place in the county got that cold.

The co-pay went up on my nebulizer meds, and I don’t know if that’s from Walgreen’s or Medicare. I suspect the latter. But that’s the reason I couldn’t get them all yesterday. I will have to call them to find out what the co-pay is on the steroid...


1,990 posted on 01/12/2016 9:51:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Tax-chick

Furriners, eh!


1,991 posted on 01/12/2016 10:45:32 AM PST by Mrs. Don-o (Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts.)
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To: moose07

Dry ice flakes, eh?


1,992 posted on 01/12/2016 10:52:30 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee; NicknamedBob
generates gibberish by stringing together random words from Deepak Chopra's writings.

Oh, I see..

They copy it verbatim.

1,993 posted on 01/12/2016 10:59:20 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; ArGee; moose07; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; Covenantor; Darksheare; All

Welp. Here we go again. The Dell was returned yesterday, and just a while ago, within the last hour, I hooked it up and guess what? I can’t access the Internet with the daggone thing.

So I sent them an email telling them I wanted it repaired or replaced, and that I was really sorry I had ever purchased it.

The repairs that were done are these:

Bottom chassis replaced
LCD Bezel replaced
Palmrest replaced

How is that supposed to help me access the Internet?

The day has gone downhill since I walked out to the truck in sub-freezing temps, with a wind in my face...

GAH!!!


1,994 posted on 01/12/2016 11:45:35 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I could never make sense of Deepak Chopra’s books anyway. I bought one as I had heard so much about him, and about half-way through, I was pondering: Does he realize he just said the opposite thing about the same subject two chapters ago?

It would seem that gibberish of random words is just what he’s done, only much more slowly.


1,995 posted on 01/12/2016 11:48:31 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Mrs. Don-o

They looked very Mesoamerican to me, but maybe Frank has a unique insight.


1,996 posted on 01/12/2016 11:51:08 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

My knees are sore from having to get down on the floor to plug and unplug power cords. And once I even unplugged the desk lamp!

It’s a day of bad news all around for me.
I need to go fold clothes. Or something to vent the frustration.


1,997 posted on 01/12/2016 11:52:12 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Tax-chick

Frank has many talents that are yet to be found. He’s still young, you know!


1,998 posted on 01/12/2016 11:53:05 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m sorry. If I could do something about, I would! I’m useless with computers, as you know.


1,999 posted on 01/12/2016 11:53:35 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

!


2,000 posted on 01/12/2016 11:53:57 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
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