ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

Hi, there, Moosie!

How are things with you and yours?

It’s freezing out.
32, S @5, 78%, wind chill 28. Brrrrr.

[Monkey Face]

We’ll get to 53, but as long as the wind blows, that won’t be a comfortable temperature.

And I’m not feeling too great this morning. I had a bad night. So bad in fact that I can’t even spell, right now.

[moose07]

Morning ‘Face. (((Hugs)))

Things are okay, thanks. Just getting over the last of a cold and throat infection.
That is the joy of keyboard communication, you can’t spread your lurgi to anyone else. :)
Getting ready to go back into the Madhouse this afternoon.

Stay warm there. Keep out of the CO2 snow.

[Tax-chick]

Afternoon, Moose07. I hope you are fully recovered soon.

I have several personnel who haven’t emerged from repose yet.

[moose07]

Ouch, that had to hurt.
Morning,

[moose07]

Thanks TC.
Hopefully just a few more days to victory. :)

[Tax-chick]

If my people had the excuse of a sinus infection, I’d be less irritated.

[Monkey Face]

Thanks, Moosie. I’m just glad I don’t get really bad things, like colds and flu very often. I have enough trouble dealing with the everyday aches and pains of CFIDS and age. I can’t do that gracefully, at all.

While most people have a certain amount of contact with cold and flu germs by associations with other people, I stay pretty much to myself, so that cuts down on a lot of stuff I might catch.

I hope you recover soon! {{{hugs}}}

[Monkey Face]

I had a bag of trash by the door to remind me to take it out on my way to Walmart, but I just heard the garbage truck in the lower parking lot, and ran* out with the bag to get it in the Dumpster before the truck gets up here.

DANG! It’s cold outside!!! Clear and so cold! The stars are so bright, right now.

*Running at my age consists of walking very quickly without jarring anything vital.

[null and void]

Me too, hurt enough I couldn’t quite sleep, but not quite enough to take a vicodin.

[Monkey Face]

*hug*

At least you’re finally healing, Nully, and I’m thankful for that. <3

Have you heard anything from the insurance company on the car?

[Monkey Face]

I gave the weather report, then went outside to go to Walmart and Walgreens. HAH! I took the sunshade off and when I looked through the windshield, and the right-hand side was covered in frost! GAH!

So I’m having a cup of tea and a warm mini-English muffin. Dang it was cold out there.

Walmart is suffering the “nesting urge” again and changing things around in the store. The cereal aisle is all messed up (according to me) and what was once on the left is now on my other left. At least THIS time, they got the 22 packet box of Instant Breakfast back where it belongs, and that’s much easier for me.

And they had some pina colada Chobani yogurt, so that was a bonus.

[null and void]

Have you heard anything from the insurance company on the car?

Rumors that they are going to total it, and please have the documents ready.

[Monkey Face]

That’s good news! But they will drag their feets.
They don’t want to part with that money.

[ArGee]

It’s actually a pretty funny Web site that generates gibberish by stringing together random words from Deepak Chopra’s writings.

[ArGee]

Good morning. Snow alert today to start sometime after 4 p.m.

Naturally we have Don't Walk By leadership training tonight.

And for today's banana mash-up...

[moose07]

Don't Walk By leadership training

Quite correct, always take the appropriate steps....Large ones!

[moose07]

Now you,ve got to go through the painful route of choosing a car again.

I'm guessing that it won't look like this:

:D

[Monkey Face]

And a happy Tuesduck to you, as well, you banana lover! LOL!

[Monkey Face]

I’m trying to re-set my Kindle so it recognizes the new router and the progress bar seems to have stopped. Is it safe to start over ? Or should I let it go another 20 minutes?