Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,621-1,6401,641-1,6601,661-1,680 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: null and void

How unpleasant.


1,641 posted on 01/06/2016 4:14:58 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1640 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz

Nothing in the news today to add to the story.
There is a fundraiser in place to help pay for the repairs.
I suspect Sir Hugh Caisson will be involved at some point. :)


1,642 posted on 01/06/2016 4:15:35 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1638 | View Replies]

To: Darksheare

UunnGGhhh!
There was enough to make the deluxe model.


1,643 posted on 01/06/2016 4:18:10 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1635 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob; fanfan

Yes, Fan, it is the Consumer Electronic Show, and it opens today, but the public isn’t allowed in. Only business owners. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, they allowed the press in while the project owners were setting up.

I’d love to be in there and see what’s going on!!


1,644 posted on 01/06/2016 5:42:22 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1632 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

My phone says it’s raining, but I haven’t stepped outside to see for myself. I’m supposed to go pick up my prescription for morphine in Vegas, but I may wait until tomorrow, if the rain lets up.

I got an email from Dell yesterday, and they’re saying the damage to the hard drive was caused by me. I’m supposed to call them today to get the specifics. I don’t know how I could have damaged the hard drive. At any rate, it makes me sick to think about.

And now, she sez, I’m going to take a showah!


1,645 posted on 01/06/2016 5:51:01 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1639 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I had that cat and she would hang on doors, turn the knob and would use the legs to push open doors that were not lkcked.


1,646 posted on 01/06/2016 6:23:22 AM PST by A CA Guy ( God Bless America, God Bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1639 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Hey, moosie, would the U.K. actually deny people entrance into the country because of the opinions they hold?

And if for some reason I can’t fathom we do atually elect Donald Trump POTUS, how would relations with the UK work if he were banned?

I’m just curious. I know politicions over here don’t usually engage their brains before they open their mouths. Is it the same over there?


1,647 posted on 01/06/2016 7:14:05 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1646 | View Replies]

To: ArGee; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07

GAH!!!!

I just got off the phone with Dell from Indjah.

Of all the idiocies I’ve ever experienced, this one has taken the top prize. I’m calling about the computer that got to Houston on Monday, via FedEx, because I had received an email saying the repairs required are not under warranty.

The person, “Norman,” (with a distinctly Indian accent) asked me if I still had the flash drive that I downloaded the day after Christmas, and would I put it into the computer. WHA...????

I said, very slowly and very quietly, “I am using a Toshiba, and I’m pretty sure a Dell program will not work in this laptop. YOU, Dell, in Houston, has the laptop needing repairs.” “Norman:” “Oh, I see.”

Me: What is wrong with the computer that it is out of warranty?

Norman: It’s in Warranty until September 2016.

Me: Then what is wrong with it?

Norman: *Gibberish* *more gibberish* *and the chassis.”

Me: Well, then, why don’t you fix it and then send it back to me so I can use it once again?

Norman: Yes Mum. Ve vill do dat.

ARGH!


1,648 posted on 01/06/2016 7:44:18 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1647 | View Replies]

To: A CA Guy

I’m impressed. Jake has not yet mastered doorknobs.


1,649 posted on 01/06/2016 7:56:13 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1646 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Gah.

Jamie should be here any time to cut my hair. I hope she’s more or less on time. I want a shower, and then I need to go to Walmart again.


1,650 posted on 01/06/2016 7:57:00 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1648 | View Replies]

To: ArGee
“...the U.K. actually deny people entrance into the country because of the opinions they hold”

Yes, and they do.
However they won't ,for the reason you stated in Question 2.
If however he were to drop out of the Oval Office 1500 meter race, and Parliament voted to ban him it could theoretically happen. However, because of who he is ,it is very unlikely to happen. Unless Barry leans on No10....Having seen Barry and Kamerov tiptoe through the tulips together at Camp David, who knows? Failure to engage the brain before the cakehole is a universal political attribute. However the three/four stage sytem of Parliament makes it harder for stupidity to reign supreme.
for example: Executive orders really do time-out after two weeks. Even emergency rubber stamps have to be discussed and voted on to obtain Royal assent to become "Permanent" Law.

1,651 posted on 01/06/2016 8:26:58 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1647 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face
They operate as a collective.
If he was separated from his hive, this is the nonsense they create.
1,652 posted on 01/06/2016 8:32:49 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1648 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

He doesn’t need to...he has servants for that....


1,653 posted on 01/06/2016 8:35:07 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1649 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Yah, well, here I am, stressing about how much money I’m going to have to shell out per the email contents, and no one has any clue what I’m talking about. It’s NOT the Queen’s English, so maybe that’s where the breakdown is. *sigh*


1,654 posted on 01/06/2016 9:12:19 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1652 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Sounds like the shipper thought it was another package for Mr. Fragile and tossed it off the truck a few times.


1,655 posted on 01/06/2016 9:16:21 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1648 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

BTW: It wasn’t Norman Bates by any chance?


1,656 posted on 01/06/2016 9:16:54 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1648 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Is there a Houston Number you can call?
Or the Shop you purchased it from?


1,657 posted on 01/06/2016 9:17:48 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1654 | View Replies]

To: moose07
Yes, and they do.

No offense, but that kind of thing makes me really question the unique friendship that I expect between our two nations. Of course, here we won't ban your entry, we'll just come up with a lot of things you can't do any more. Maybe we're not so different after all.

1,658 posted on 01/06/2016 9:20:08 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1651 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

:)
Politics is dangerous to the health when there is nowt you can do about it yourself.


1,659 posted on 01/06/2016 9:26:27 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1658 | View Replies]

To: moose07

The Houston number is the same as their repair number...(800) something. I will see what the email brings me tomorrow.

If the place I got it from had been a Dell dealer, I’m sure I could have already have it being worked on and sent back. No such luck.


1,660 posted on 01/06/2016 9:36:31 AM PST by Monkey Face (Resolutions: Casual promises I made to me that I'm not obligated to fulfill. :o])
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1657 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,621-1,6401,641-1,6601,661-1,680 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson