ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[moose07]

:)
one of life’s moments.

[Monkey Face]

“...The Rattle Tailed Cat perchance?” LOL! There’s a happy thought! :o])

[moose07]

We shall have to keep a track of these new Kitties, see what else appears on the heated mat. :)

[Monkey Face]

It’s raining again. And Lots of snow in the mountains around us. The hills to the south and east have been fog-shrouded all day and it has been getting lower and denser as the day goes on.

I just stepped outside to see how the weather was, and it smelled so good when I opened the door!

[moose07]

There is a lady on the TV ,that has lost 14 stone in 2 years!
A vegetable only diet.
Just a loose skin problem now.......

[moose07]

196 lb.

[Monkey Face]

I had a friend who lost 135 lbs in a little over a year. I reminded him once that he lost a real person! LOL!

Any way you look at it, it’s a LOT of weight!

[fanfan]

What is CES?

[fanfan]

They say our cats would eat us if they were big enough. Or we were small enough.

[fanfan]

Two words. O zone. ;-)

[Tax-chick]

I think they would.

[NicknamedBob]

"What is CES?"

I think she's referring to this: C.E. S.

Consumer Electronics Show.

[fanfan]

If only they knew how to cook.

[Darksheare]

I think she was stuck in refresh and fetch loop.

[Darksheare]

I can make my human suit now...

[fanfan]

Thanks, Bob. That’s bound to be a big event.

[NoCmpromiz]

"What is CES?"
I think she's referring to this: C.E. S.
Consumer Electronics Show.

See Moose's post for the REAL(ity) definition.. ;-)

[NoCmpromiz]

So with all the flooding and such that has been visiting the Isles, did the Baron of Abergeldie and his wife loose their castle, or is it still holding out..

[Tax-chick]

Today's kitteh is enjoying some fine weather in New York.

[null and void]

We had dime aized snowflakes yesterday. Then it rained.