ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[ArGee]

This one JUST MIGHT WORK!!!!!

[ArGee]

Ah. Then just get some scum sucking bottom feeders.

I meant fish - not lawyers.

[ArGee]

Hey, man! Trigger warnings??? That's what they used to say when they saw me in High School.






Kidding, of course. Where'd you think you were? Salon?

[Covenantor]

pizza?

[ArGee]

[Covenantor]

AUGH!

[moose07]

Pizza!
Nothing more devastating in a confined space.
You wind them up, pull the pin, and BOOM!

Pizza , the self-propelled Claymore.

[Tax-chick]

Good morning, Moose. We braved the floods to go to yoga class.

[moose07]

Nothing more than a foot deep i hope.
Couldn’t sleep....
When you can’t sleep ,make a cup of tea and check FR, as you do... ;)

[NoCmpromiz]

Then there's this..

[NoCmpromiz]

[null and void]

*ouch*

[Tax-chick]

[Covenantor]

...yeah, that's her before the "transition". Used to go by the name Otis before the change.

[Monkey Face]

Cute kitteh harness/carrier!

[Monkey Face]

*groan*

[Monkey Face]

I’m up. Waiting for the bathroom to warm up so I can shower.

It’s hard to believe this is the last day of 2015. Dang. This year just slipped right by me!

I slept pretty good last night for a change — I only woke up once, around 2120, then slept until 0340. I tried to go back to sleep, but the sleep gods were done with me for the night.

It’s like they were saying, “Ptooie! Get outta here!”

So here I am. Almost not ready for another day. *groan*

[Monkey Face]

34, WNW @ 4, 54%, wind chill 31

*br-r-r-r-r-r!*

[Tax-chick]

Good morning. It’s just started pouring again here.

[Monkey Face]

I just had my shower and warmed up sufficiently to where I can actually move without too much stiffness. Now I need some coffee, and then I might head for Walmart.

Maybe I’ll wait on that, for the sun to come up and warm the BB SUV. (It’s still the BB SUV even though the license plate for that is on the file cabinet...)

Yesterday, in the stinking, freezing cold, the radio flickered on for about five seconds then shut off, then back on again a couple of times. I really need to get into Vegas to the place that put the tint on my windows, and have them trouble shoot it. At least they won’t charge me unless I buy something.