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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

Who’s awake?


1,201 posted on 12/29/2015 12:47:16 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee

Well, I WAS going to ‘HA’ a 1200 post but someonee snuck in while I was posting a real post and THAT ONE became 1200.

Margle fargle bang a dang nab a dab rackin frackin.


1,202 posted on 12/29/2015 12:47:38 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

Speaking of the River Ouse, why does the location “Sussex” always make me think of Elmer Fudd stammering when hoping his wife will be in the mood?


1,203 posted on 12/29/2015 12:49:00 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: Monkey Face

3. I guess nobody around here misses work much, do they?


1,204 posted on 12/29/2015 12:50:21 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face; moose07
Riverers aren't supposed to Ouse.

They're not supposed to catch fire* either..

*Another obscure historical reference.. This time you figure it out. ;-)

1,205 posted on 12/29/2015 12:50:47 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Covenantor

It’s there. If you are using NoScript you need to temporarily allow all..


1,206 posted on 12/29/2015 12:57:13 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face

:0]

Just south of Oxford.
A sleepy little town who’s best attribute is the road out.


1,207 posted on 12/29/2015 1:04:26 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

:-)

I remember when I lived in Omaha, Nebraska and they used to say, “The best thing to come out of Omaha was I-80.”

(And, just in case you haven’t heard, I is short for Interstate Highway.)


1,208 posted on 12/29/2015 1:06:15 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

4. Can you tell me where the snack machine is? I just can’t get through the day without popcorn.


1,209 posted on 12/29/2015 1:10:30 PM PST by Monkey Face (Studies prove that eating 2 slices of bacon for breakfast means you won't become a suicide bomber.)
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To: moose07

Ah. OK. I can look that up! South of Oxford...and I love the history in that old town!


1,210 posted on 12/29/2015 1:11:57 PM PST by Monkey Face (Studies prove that eating 2 slices of bacon for breakfast means you won't become a suicide bomber.)
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To: ArGee
As York should appear.

moose images /FR.
1,211 posted on 12/29/2015 1:12:36 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Monkey Face

And never, and I mean NEVER, burn the popcorn in the kitchenette next to the board room.

A word to the wise...


1,212 posted on 12/29/2015 1:15:10 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: Monkey Face

5. Oh, I can tell you your password.


1,213 posted on 12/29/2015 1:16:05 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: moose07

1,214 posted on 12/29/2015 1:16:07 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: ArGee

Personal experience...? :)


1,215 posted on 12/29/2015 1:17:02 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Darksheare

If this twit keeps posting http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3377757/posts we might have a new home before we hit 1500 posts.


1,216 posted on 12/29/2015 1:28:12 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: Monkey Face

We got to the gas station, and then the 7 wouldn’t start. DP came and rescued us: it started for him, and he got it home to the garage. Sally and I went on our visit in the van!


1,217 posted on 12/29/2015 1:28:12 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: moose07

Actually, I was the next person to try to pop microwave popcorn in that kitchenette after which I was told the story.

At least 20 times I was told the story.

Sheesh.


1,218 posted on 12/29/2015 1:29:06 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: Tax-chick

7s hate ethanol.


1,219 posted on 12/29/2015 1:29:51 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

I figure that’s part of the problem. Also the fact that it hadn’t been out of the garage since like August.


1,220 posted on 12/29/2015 1:30:51 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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