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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: null and void

Was told by the Doc to come back if the sleep disruption lasted more than 7 days. no idea why, and it didn’t.
Sleep is your friend here, my friend. :)


1,081 posted on 12/27/2015 7:59:21 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Well played!


1,082 posted on 12/27/2015 7:59:24 AM PST by null and void (</x>)
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To: null and void

Can anyone read my new tagline?


1,083 posted on 12/27/2015 8:15:01 AM PST by null and void (</x>)
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To: moose07

well wonder of wonders it’s the hard drive.they are going to replace it and since it’s under warranty I’m good to go.in the meantime I’m trying to get my old computer setup so if nothing else I will have internet access.installing Win 10 right now


1,084 posted on 12/27/2015 8:20:51 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: null and void

</x>


1,085 posted on 12/27/2015 8:24:12 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Well, it LIVES!!!

Ok, I’m using my old laptop, and no guarantees how that’s going to work out.

I’m currently downloading Win10, so hopefully, I’ll get back into the swing of things, soon.


1,086 posted on 12/27/2015 8:32:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

My laptop is too bent to sit flat. It wobbles when I type...


1,087 posted on 12/27/2015 8:37:12 AM PST by null and void (</x>)
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To: null and void; Monkey Face
"My laptop is too bent to sit flat. It wobbles when I type..."

I envy you and your flat lap.

1,088 posted on 12/27/2015 9:10:00 AM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: null and void

You’ve turned Christmas off? But there are still nine days to go!


1,089 posted on 12/27/2015 9:12:09 AM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

End. Times.


1,090 posted on 12/27/2015 9:14:11 AM PST by null and void (</x>)
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To: Monkey Face

That was quick.
Welcome back. :)


1,091 posted on 12/27/2015 9:15:19 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: null and void
Ah good!

It is a happy time here as future nephew in law survived his initiation including the traditional "walk in the woods" by Father, Grandfather and Uncle.

1,092 posted on 12/27/2015 9:21:12 AM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: moose07

I’m still waiting for Windows 10 to do its loading and installing and whatever else it does but and within another hour I should be back online for real.
being without a computer sucks.


1,093 posted on 12/27/2015 10:15:46 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

Yes. Yes I am back. Thank you all for missing me!

It’s been a frustration 50+ hours, but I’m none the worse for wear, so I’m good.

I’m now working on my Favorites list. *sigh*

At least I had the foresight to copy them... :o|


1,094 posted on 12/27/2015 11:27:28 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face
Is this your new computer or the older model?
1,095 posted on 12/27/2015 11:48:14 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

This is the old one, the Toshiba that kept failing. I’m hoping to make it last at least the month that it will take for the Dell to be gutted and made to live again with a new and improved model hard drive.

All I can say is that my luck with computers in the last six years has all been bad.

This is a scary venture, this...but Win10 is installed and my favorites have been transferred, so life is good. For now!

It’s cold and clear out with more wind so I’m staying in. I want summer. ;o]

How was your Christmas?


1,096 posted on 12/27/2015 11:58:54 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: moose07

The one that failed is the one I got in August.


1,097 posted on 12/27/2015 11:59:44 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: moose07

Ok, Moosie, it’s just sitting there...


1,098 posted on 12/27/2015 12:00:23 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

What?


1,099 posted on 12/27/2015 12:00:36 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

!


1,100 posted on 12/27/2015 12:00:48 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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