$$$$ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd$$$$

National Donut Day ^

[Lucky9teen]

In light of Obama's "America Is A Muslim Country & Apology" Tour...

It goes without saying that Muslims are perhaps the least humorous folk on Earth; whereas Jews have learned to laugh at themselves, even turning that laughter into a business: Vaudeville. When I was growing up, my father never failed to tell me at least three jokes a day, most of them involving Jews and their eccentricities, customs, and travails. I'd like to continue that long tradition of Jews telling jokes, but with Muslims as the butt of the joke. You can't be civilized until you can laugh at yourself.

Perhaps in this way, someday, even radical fundamentalist Muslims may find themselves laughing. In fact, it would do my heart good to hear that a billion Muslims laughed themselves to death.

Many of these are probably in poor taste, to which I say tough camel titties.

Q: What do female Muslims use for birth control?
A: Their faces. [See photo above.]

Q. What's the difference between an American BBQ and an Islamic BBQ?
A. In America, Humans roast animals over a fire. In Islam, it's the other way around.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Moore and a one ton CARE package?
A. Michael Moore, if sliced real thin, can feed a larger Afghan village.

A Muslim father catches his son masturbating. He says, "Don't do that my son, or Allah will strike you blind."
The child says, "Abu, I'm over here."

Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. What's toilet paper?

Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, American Government can do it all by themselves, thank you.

Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”

She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”

Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."

George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner. One of the important guests walks over to them and asks what they are talking about.
"We are making up the plans for WW III", says Bush.
"Wow", says the guest. "And what are the plans?"
"We are gonna kill 140 million Muslims and one dentist", answers Bush.
The guest looks to be a bit confused. One...dentist?" He says. "Why will you kill one dentist?"
Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you? Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims."

[nuke rocketeer]

You Are a Jelly Donut

So you're a little rounder than most folks - but it's only in the right places!
You maintain a clean exterior, even if you're all messy on the inside.
You think you're the best, and that's mostly true...
But remember, you're just an empty shell without your jelly!

What Donut Are You?

[Arrowhead1952]

For people who want meat and eggs with their donuts.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Just got this in an e-mail.

LETTER FROM GRANDAD

John is 63 years old and owns his own business. He is a life-long Republican and sees his dream of retiring next year is now all but gone. With the stock market crashing and all the new taxes coming his way, John knows he will be working for a good number more years.

John has a Granddaughter. Ashley is a recent college grad. She drives a late model car, wears all the latest fashions, and also likes going out and eating out a lot. Ashley campaigned hard for Obama, and after he won the election she made sure her Grandfather (and all other Republican family members) received more than an earful on how the world is going to be a much better place now that Obama won the election.

Ashley recently found herself short of cash and cannot pay her bills, again. As she has done many other times in the past, she e-mailed her Grandfather asking for some financial help. Here is his reply:

Sweetheart,
I am replying to your request for more money. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and am sympathetic to your financial plight . Unfortunately, times have changed. With the election of President Obama, your Grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own....the 'Ashley Economic Plan'. Let me explain. Your grandmother and I are highly productive, wage-earning tax payers. As you know, we have lived a comfortable life and in return have forgone many things like fancy vacations, luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were looking forward to retiring soon. But this plan has changed. Your president is significantly raising our personal and business taxes. He says it is so he can give our hard earned money to other people. Do you know what this means, Ashley? It means less income for us. Less income means we must cut back on many business and personal expenditures. One example is, we were forced to let go of our receptionist today. You know her. She always gave you candy when you visited my office. Did you know she worked for us for the past 18 years? I can't afford her anymore.

That is a taste of the business side.. Some personal economic affects of Obama's new taxation policies include none other than you. You know very well that over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, tuition assistance, food, housing, clothing, gifts, etc., etc. By your vote, you have chosen another family over ours for help. Judging from your Email requesting more money, I recommend you call 202-456-1111. That is the direct telephone number for the White House. You yourself repeatedly told me I was foolish voting Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the people's president and is going to help every American live a better life. Based upon everything you have told me and things we heard from him as he campaigned, I am sure Mr. Obama will be happy to send a check or transfer money into your checking account. Have him call me for the transaction and account numbers, which by now I know by heart.

Perhaps you now can understand what I have been saying for all my life: those who vote for the president should consider what the impact of an election will be on the nation as a whole, and not just be concerned with what they can get for themselves (welfare, etc.). What Obama voters don't seem to realize is all of the "government's" money he is 'redistributing' to illegal aliens and non-taxpaying Americans (deemed "less fortunate") comes from tax money collected from income tax-paying families. Remember how you told me, "Only the richest of the rich will be affected"? Guess what, honey? Because of our business, your Grandmother and I are now considered to be the richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that way. But in the real world, we are far from it. But, as you said while campaigning for Obama, some people will have to carry more of the burden so all of America can prosper. You understand what that means, right? It means that raising taxes on productive people results in them having less money. Less money for everything, including granddaughters.

Congratulations on your choice for "change". For future reference, I encourage you to attempt to add up the total value of the gifts and money you've received from us over the years, and compare it to what you expect to get over the next four years from Mr. Obama.

Remember, we love you dearly... but from now on you'll need to call the number referenced above when you need help.

Good luck, sweetheart.
Love,
Grampa.

PS: How was your recent trip to Jamaica? I have never been there but I hear it is lovely this time of year.

[Lucky9teen]

[Nateman]

[ConservativeMan55]

LOL

[unique]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is.”

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple and says, “Ask him again!”

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!”

The bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”

The Godfather asks the attorney: “Well, what did he say?”

The attorney replies: “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

Don’t you just love lawyers!??
_____

This just in...

After his election, the U.S. Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama.

But there was a problem. It seems that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.

This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing and $4.73 million in congressional hearings, a special Presidential Commission presented the following findings:

1. The stamp is in perfect order.

2. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

3. People are spitting on the wrong side.

[Lucky9teen]

[Bean Counter]

[Lucky9teen]

Ugh...these Obama donuts don't taste so well after all, do they?

[Lucky9teen]

From the Urban Dictionary:

Muslim Donut

A lower level of Jew Bagel. What a guy says in substitute for Jew Bagel when his girlfriend forbids him from saying 'jew', any swear words, or 'communism' for an entire day.

Jew Bagel

A nickname for Jews who happen to eat a lot of bagels. Non-Jews find this cute, while the Jew in question often finds himself feeling sad.

Disclaimer: no offense to anyone! ;)

[LongElegantLegs]

You Are a Sprinkled Donut

Flamboyant and flashy, you're easily distracted by shiny things.
You're definitely a snazzy number, and you usually catch everyone's eye in the room.
And you've got the goods to back it up your colorful image.
(Though too much of you gives people a stomach ache!)

What Donut Are You?

[Lucky9teen]

Silence!!!



I Kill You!!!

[Hoffer Rand]

I saw a car with a bumper sticker this morning. Sticker had an obama sign and read “tastes like socialism”

It was awesome! Gutsy too, considering the guy was driving on a college campus.

[Lucky9teen]

[Lady Jag]

You Are a Chalk Line Donut

You're a complex creature, and you're guilty of complicating things for fun.

You've been known to sit around pondering the meaning of life...

Or at times, pondering the meaning of your doughnut.

To frost or not to frost? To fill or not to fill? These are your eternal pursuits of perfection evidence collection.

What Donut Are You?

[dragonblustar]

Every day should be Fat Tuesday!!!

[Shyla]

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.
On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.
You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.
Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

What Donut Are You?

[bdeaner]

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.
But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.
You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.
You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and you pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?