Here's to a Free For All Silliness...
Posted on 04/03/2009 5:16:23 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Oh man...that takes me back. I had one of those..... the bald one at the bottom.
I guess we’ve seen enough of Achmed the dead terrorist
A LITTLE THREE YEAR-OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE JOHN.
HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG,
SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT’S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND
AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS:
“BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE.”
BILLY SAYS:
“I’M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN’T GONE ‘DOODY’ YET.”
MOTHER SAYS:
BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?”
BILLY SAYS:
“WORKS FOR KETCHUP.”
TDM autosales?
I’m used to TDM meaning Team Death Match.
*Glargh, coffee isn’t working yet*
haha
Too much CoD.
The old priest lay dying in the hospital.
For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital.
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest..
“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived.
Harry and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Harry commented to Nancy, “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.”
Nancy couldn’t help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy’s hand in his right hand and Harry’s hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
Finally Nancy spoke:
“Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied:
“I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
The old priest continued ... “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.”
SWEET!
Yeah, and then seeing the ‘team death match’ image above my post.. YIII!
Did Hillary give Barry some kneepads?
rofl
I’m sure Monica coached him. Although he is missing the blue dress to retain incriminating evidence.
Gosh, and I was worried about posting this:
Billy Connolly - The Colonoscopy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMsPNI6EZE
That image is so stolen!!!!
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church, and on being told that there was a fortune to be made in horses decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: “Pastor’s Ass Shows.”
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won! The local paper read: “Pastor’s Ass Out Front.”
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper read: “Bishop Scratches Pastor’s Ass”.
The bishop was fit to be tied! He ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing the news, posted this headline the next day: “Nun Has Best Ass in Town.”
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day, the paper read: “Nun Sells Ass For $10.00.”
After the bishop was revived, he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: “Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild and Free”.
The bishop was buried the next day.
That’s why it’s here ;-)
These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.
1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”
2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
3. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”
4. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
5. “When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
6. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
9. “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”
10. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”
11. “A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
12. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”
14. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
15. “He’s been working with glue too much.”
16. “He would argue with a signpost.”
17. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
18. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
19. “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
20. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
21. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”
22. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
23. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
24. “He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”
25. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
26. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
27. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
28. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
29. “One neuron short of a synapse.”
30. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
31. “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.”
How the heck has this been posted for two hours without and Monty Python or Jimmy Carter references?
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