Posted on 04/03/2009 5:16:23 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was
allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have “the rule of thumb”
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
A. One thousand
A. All were invented by women.
A. Honey
A. Father’s Day
Now come on... who tried to lick their elbow? I did... not possible.
Okay...y’all chip in and buy me a snake and I’ll post a video....;-D
[”Serpentessa”?!?]...rofl!
I
Do
Not
Like
Dolls
{{{{shudder}}}}
You Are Pause |
![]() You're always willing to take a break and digest everything that's happened. You are patient with life. You are happy to sit back and let things unfold. You're not in a hurry. You're content to take things at someone else's pace. |
She walks like she just shoplifted a frozen turkey.
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.”
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In the Arab world, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.”
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, “In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.”
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher !!!'
Yep, major fail!!!
Thank you boxerblues
You Are Fast Forward |
![]() You are action oriented and love adventure. You don't care much for downtime. You like the skip the boring stuff and get to the good stuff. You don't like interruptions. You can't stand anything slow. You live your life in fast lane and expect others to do the same. |
Some Naval (nautical) terms:
Scuttlebutt - naval term for a drinking fountain, also for gossip, originally the water barrel where the sailors would gather around and swap stories.
Head - the restroom. On sailing ships of days past, the official place to relieve oneself was up forward at the bow, by the figurehead. The reason for this was twofold: The wind coming from astern (propelling the ship) would blow the smell away from the ship, and the bow plowing into the waves would wash the area clean.
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? she asked.
Theyre mating, her father replied.
What do you call the spider on top? she asked.
Thats a Daddy Longlegs, her father answered.
So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs? the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted
her foot and stomped them flat.
Well, were not having any of that gay shit in our garden she said.
Snake has to climb a tree to escape the crazy biting rabbit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTYPYKpHkDo
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