Posted on 03/09/2009 1:50:19 PM PDT by OneVike
How To Tell If You're An Extreme Redneck.....
It's time to lighten up a bit and take a break from the stress of reality for a bit and laugh.
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
THANKS for the MUCH NEEDED LAUGHS, GREAT!
I purchased a pair of the canon self stabilizing binocs......night and day improvement when moving, bouncing around etc . Better than my swarovski’s 10x42’s in that environment.
Fly high enough and things smooth out - I flew several times to SoCal from Washington - have to get above the thermals esp. during the summer ... but yeah, those stabilizer thingies are great!
I have a former KC-10 Zoomie friend named Julie that flys for Jet Blue these days .......she is out of California and flys to DC & NYC area also !
Way cool - email me as to Julie’s last name. I know a Julie who flies for Eva Air - 747Combi’s ..... is Julie academy?
This is one I actually observed here in Knoxville:
If your race trailer is longer than your house trailer.
Okay, I’ll try a few:
You served Yukon Jack & Mt. Dew at your wedding reception.
When you return home from an RV vacation, you stay in the RV.
You trade in your bass boat more often than you see a dentist.
Your new “fridge” has a plug in the bottom.
You proposed to your wife in the Turn 4 bleachers at Martinsville.
You’ve picked up a bottle on the side of the road for a “spitter.”
You’re still kissin’ your cousin at age 35.
Your satellite dish is bigger than your living room.
You wipe your feet on the way out of the house.
You were actually “born in a barn.”
You move your house for better TV reception.
Oops.
Bad Wa!
What does a redneck girl say immediately after sex?
Git offa me, Daddy! Yer crushin' muh cigarettes!
I buy the “You Might Be a Redneck” calendar for my husband for Christmas every year. Love Jeff Foxworthy!
You might be a Redneck if...you keep an ashtray in the shower...you’ve ever used your fishing license for ID...you and your neighbors ever re-enacted a NASCAR wreck.
I once landed in a field next to a runway at a private airport in Georgia because the runway was covered with cows (and there was a monster thunderstorm dead ahead).
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