How To Tell If You're An Extreme Redneck.....

Post Scripts ^ | 3/9/09 | Post Scripts

[OneVike]

How To Tell If You're An Extreme Redneck.....

It's time to lighten up a bit and take a break from the stress of reality for a bit and laugh.

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

[Just another Joe]

And as a last one

You prepare for a bubble bath by eating beans.

[Sax]

[autumnraine]

Two doors down the hall on the left is always followed by “don’t forget to jiggle the handle”.

[OneVike]

My wife and I went camping with her brothers once and her eldest brother decided to walk around the campsite and piss on the trees. He said he was marking his territory.

So I guess you could say.....You might be a redneck if,

You feel the urge to mark your territory by pissing on the trees while your camping.

[autumnraine]

That picture cracks me up everytime I see it.

Underwear FAIL!

[SkyDancer]

You may be a redneck pilot if...

• Your stall warning plays Dixie.
• You get your pre-flight briefing from the Phsycic Hotline.
• Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
• You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
• You've ever used moonshine as Avgas.
• You have mudflaps on your wheel pants.
• Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
• You've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.
• You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
• You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock.
• The side of your airplane has a sign advertising your septic tank service.
• Your aircraft has a hitch.
• You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
• You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.
• You refer to formation flying as "we got us a convoy".
• You're matched set of luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
• You've ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.
• You've got a gun rack on the passenger window.
• You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
• Your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
• You figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.
• You siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.
• You've never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.
• You've ground looped after hitting a cow.
• You consider anything over 100' AGL to be high altitude flight.
• There are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.
• You've never actually seen a sectional but have all of the Texaco road maps for your flying area.
• There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
• You have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.
• You use your parachute to cover your plane.
• You've ever landed on the main street of town to get a cup of coffee.
• The tread pattern, if any, on your main tires doesn't match.
• Your primary comm. radio has 90 channels.
• Your comm antenna is over 7 feet long.
• You call up the tower with "Breaker Breaker"
• You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
• You put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.
• You use you landing light for hunting.
• Your flight instructor's day job is at the community sales barn.
• You've got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.
• There are grass stains on your propeller tips.
• The FAA still thinks you live at your parents' house.
• Your hangar collapses and more than 4 dogs are injured.
• When starting the prop you injure five dogs.
• Somewhere on your airplane is an "I'd rather be fishing" bumper sticker.
• You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.
• When you go to the airport cafe they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of a menu.
• You think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
• You siphon Jat-A out of your King Air for your space heater.
• Just before the crash, everybody at the airport heard you say, "Hey, Y'all watch this!!"

[Sundog]

Nice.

[Ditter]

I know why she had to cut the seat out of those Jockey shorts, I’ll bet you do too.

[texmexis best]

I don’t care who you are, that is funny!

[christianhomeschoolmommaof3]

I seriously consider before filling up the gas tank on my Explorer. I wonder if it is going to die before I use all the gas. I am not a redneck but I am a SAHM. Oh the joys of living on one income. LOL!

[LanaTurnerOverdrive]

When you listen to a lame stand-up comic tell the same joke for twenty years.

[jwparkerjr]

Your rich uncle just got a new house and you have to spend Saturday morning helping take the wheels off of it.

[dirtboy]

The addition to your double wide has been an advertisement for Tyvek House Wrap for the last three years.

[dirtboy]

You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

What are teeth?

[stevio]

Now that’s love!

[RushIsMyTeddyBear]

This is one of the best ‘redneck scrapbooks’ I’ve seen on the interbutts:

http://boortz.com/more/funny/redneck_pics.html

[dangus]

Why do they always have to label Republicans extremists? (Oh, wait...)

[fellowpatriot]

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

14. One of your kids was conceived on a pool table.

[Squantos]

You consider unicom a party line......

[Squantos]

You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.

Now that I have done !......:o)