Computer Humor Ping!
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Posted on 02/13/2009 11:47:25 PM PST by Swordmaker
Microsoft announced plans to open retail stores, hoping to boost visibility of many of its products and its brand. The move seems to be an effort to mimic the success that Apple has had with its retail stores. The news is just too tempting not to have some fun with. So here are some yet-to-be-officially-revealed details about the Microsoft stores.
1. Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have brushed steel walls dotted with holes—reminiscent of Windows security.2. The store will have six different entrances: Starter, Basic, Premium, Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of US$100 for no apparent reason.
3. Instead of a Genius Bar (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and explaining it's a problem with the hardware—not a software bug.
4. The Windows Genuine Advantage team will run storefront security, assuming everybody is a thief until they can prove otherwise.
5. Store hours are undetermined. At any given time the store mysteriously shuts down instantaneously for no apparent reason. (No word yet on what happens to customers inside).
6. Stores will be named Microsoft Live Retail Store with PC Services for Digital Lifestyle Enthusiasts.
7. Fashioned after Microsoft's User Account Control (UAC) in Vista, sales personnel will ask you whether you're positive you want to purchase something at least twice.
8. Xbox 360 section of the store will be organized in a ring—which will inexplicably go red occasionally.
9. DreamWorks will design a scary in-store theme park ride called "blue screen of death."
10. Store emergency exits will be unlocked at all times so people can get in anytime they want even if the front doors are locked.
Do you know something we don't about the Microsoft stores? Please let us know in the comments.
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ROFLMAO!
The best part is that they hired a guy from WALMART to design their stores! God, think of how *that* atmosphere will suck - Walmart + Microsoft..... oy.
11. All employees will be required to wear glasses
which will give the illusion of brains this is especially important for the ESL employees.
bookmark
12. If you are in the store on the second Tuesday of a month, you will be informed that you must stop and change your clothing to new items supplied by the store. Sometimes the new clothes fit, sometimes not. After you change clothes, the store goes dark for a few minutes, and when the lights come back on, all the items in your shopping cart have disappeared, and some are no longer available on the shelves where you had found them earlier. You accept this behavior as being "better than happening at random without warning". However, sometimes it still happens without warning.
Cute!
Stores will look vaguely like Apple stores, but contain 10 times as many employees and half the merchandise, and be more difficult to navigate. To remove any item from a shelf you must first throw it in the trash.
That’s a pretty good list. It hits too close to home to be called humor. I’d put it in the harsh reality irony category.
Oh my.
As Rush always says, in order for humor to be effective it must have an element of truth.
THAT is FUNNY!!
lol. nice pic.
When you go to leave, somebody stands in the doorway and asks: “Are you sure?”
11. You have to buy an XBox Live membership before you can interact with other customers or staff.
13. They will have a grocery aisle featuring "new, innovative" milk products from China, supplemented by snack foods, such as peanut butter, from the United States.
There will be random, sudden announcements of "Food Service" Packs, which will inexplicably change the labels on the foods in this aisle. Microsoft will also proudly announce that all new labels are "backward compatible" with all flavors of their earlier foods going back to World War II K-rations.
Cheers!
I recently tried to get my DiL’s PC up and running.
Forgotten how frustrating they can be. Scandisk, defrag, virus scan, regclean, and on and on.
A year with my Mac and I’ve gotten so used to turning it on and using it.
11. The Microsoft store will be 900% larger that the Apple store - representing the difference in market share.
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