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..and thats when the fight started...
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started....
Yea...
It’s Friday.
That pic of the tv/desk/chair trip brought a chuckle.
Many times I have walked by my TV/DVR and decided to change the channel or turn it off/on. I would have to round up the remote, because I didn’t know which buttons to push on the unit itself. (The buttons are usually tiny and small print, if any label at all.)
Ah, I see the problem. Needs more Fung Shui.
Or more cowbell.
JUST IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING...
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND’S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN’T.STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD....
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
HE SAID, ‘HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT. ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU.’
‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN?’ ASKED HIS WIFE.
‘WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED...
‘BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.’
Just think...if the Indians had given the Pilgrim Fathers
a donkey instead of a turkey we would all be having a
Piece of ass for Thanksgiving
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2133232/posts?page=55#55
To: roadkillcafe; Fiddlstix; PhilDragoo; Liz; onyx; potlatch; devolve; MEG33; Grampa Dave; Lady Jag; ...So, then ! ... What's MORE fun?!?!Sarah Palin ...
Or ...
Para Sailin' ?????
:^D
55 posted on Friday, November 21, 2008 9:51:39 AM by MeekOneGOP (Obama, WHO is Bill Ayers and WHY are you still friends with him? Please RSVP asap!)
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A CUBS BASEBALL GAME..
THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND..
BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY’D GET ANN OYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA..
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, “I THINK I’M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH ... THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE..”
THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, “I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA .. THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE..”
THE THIRD GUY SAID, “I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO .. THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE..”
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,
“WHY DON’T YOU GO TO HELL .. THERE AREN’T ANY NUNS THERE!”
