Posted on 06/30/2008 8:07:10 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum
Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.
This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:
* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Chuck Norris
* Feet.
Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting.
He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be.
This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively.
Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.
Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.
Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.
Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.
For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house!!!
ROFLMAO
A fighting cat thread! =^..^=
and how is miss maleficent these days? Sharpening her claws in anticipation of the newest grandbaby’s arrival at her house? Might want to remind her that we won’t only have a baby who happens to LOVE kitties, but we are also going to have our darling Bella cat, who doesn’t know she is a cat, and doesn’t like cats, or dogs, or men, or plants. She does like to watch meercat manor on tv though.
Speaking of babies and Bellas...the telltale happy squeal of delight I hear tells me that Sir Aidan, the brave, has just cornered the fearsome dragon, Bella. Soon he will slay the dragon with drool and ear pulling if I don’t petition for her.
Of course...she’s a cat...a very fast one when she wants to be...something tells me she’s not really as scared of awake kids as she acts, since she lets them catch her alot more often than she lets the dear hubs catch her. Sleeping kids, oh my, she loves sleeping kids, she washes them and then curls up to sleep with them.
Thank for many much needed giggles to start my day with.
What do you maean by that? How could anyone not miss her after all those years? Although, I don’t think I’ll be getting another one any time soon.
Wrong thing to do!!! Do like my wife and I have done over our 50 years of marriage -- when we lost one we got another real soon (usually a stray, or one from an animal shelter, in need of rescue. Having another cat depending on you will help ease the pain of your loss. Of course it will not exactly take her place, but it will help fill the empty place she left. And it will be a ready target for the all that unused kitty-love you now have just waiting to be showered on another needy critter.
By the way -- sometimes we kinda overdid our method -- like now we have twelve, and wouldn't trade a single one of of all we have had for the Jaj Mahal.
Happy kitty hunting.
Having a bad hair day, maybe?
I have to locate and watch that from time to time. Cracks me up. I think the originator of the vid took it off his website because he got miffed at all the view-traffic from the evil FreeRepublic.com.
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
If I was irregular, I might be vicious too.
Some who are irregular become viscous also...;)
I’m not sure how one could tell if a cat had different “gender identity” from what God gave it, but there are enough weird people in the world that somebody somewhere probably thinks their cat really is transsexual and wants to alter it accordingly. As for me, I paid $1200 for Norman’s surgery (and it was worth every penny), so I figure I might as well get a few laughs at his expense, as well as the pleasure of his feline company for another 10-15 years.
ping
BTTT
Cats are extremely sensitive, especially as kittens. My two, according to my vet, were probably one week away from being totally unsociable before I rescued them from certain feral status. They are the sweetest cats I've ever known, but extremely sensitive. I raise my voice cheering a football game and they're running into the closet. I would be willing to bet something happened to this cat before you brought him home. But you were responsible enough to deal with it. Thank you.
No, but I had a Torty once. And they can be just as bitchy. But she was nothing like this ... at least not to her servants. :)
First, congrats on 50 years of marriage. You don’t see that too often these days, it’s nice to hear. After having our kitty for 16 years it was very hard losing her. However, over those years she had a constipation problem for about 13 of them. That’s what I don’t miss. No matter how many specialists we took her to or how many tests we had done the problem never got resolved. I bought a lot of Metamucil over the years. I’m sure the guy at the drugstore thought I had issues. Anyway, until you have given your cat an enema you have no idea what it’s like. Moose, herself, was a wonderful and sweet kitty but I just don’t think I could deal with that again. But...never say never. Thanks for the kind words.
Yes, my (late, great - RIP Dulcie) calico tolerated only me, her staff of one. She struck terror into the hearts of anyone else who came near her.
I remember when I (and then her caretakers when I left to go overseas) would schedule a vet appointment for her, you could hear the trepidation in the voices of the vet techs making the appointment.
I was kind of proud of that. :-)
Wait’ll they see Reverend!
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