Posted on 06/30/2008 8:07:10 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum
Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.
This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:
* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Chuck Norris
* Feet.
Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting.
He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be.
This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively.
Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.
Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.
Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.
Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.
For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house!!!
Oh, good. We haven’t had a good Viking Kitty Thread in quite a while.
.."eeeekk he's a jihadist"
Just a bit of feline diversion.
Bring on the Viking Kitties!!!!!I miss them!
I don’t think I believe this, but FWIW.
My former kitty from hell became a big lovable fuzzball. 16 months old now, he only gets up to get his treats, talk to the birds in the trees and give us kisses. It took some time to correct his behavior but it was worth it. I can only hope someone will adopt him and will give him the environment he needs, he definitely should not be around your kids.
Good luck to you and Prozac Kitty :)
thanks for the laff!
And then one day the Cylons decided to kill their masters...
“Chuck Norris” - LOL!!!
We recently adopted a cat by way of my brother; it’s the first one we’ve ever had. He’s about 2 or 3 years old, and after reading this, I’m thankful that all he does is fall off windowsills.
He does have a thing for towels, though. When my brother gave him to us, he said, “Put a towel down on the floor and see what happens.” So we did, and this animal takes a great deal of delight in getting a running start and skidding on the towel, like kids with the skimmer boards at the beach. Then he’ll start bunching it up and freaking out. Strange critter, but very sweet, and he’s a lot of laughs.
Need another kitty???
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