Posted on 06/30/2008 8:07:10 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum
Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.
This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:
* insects
* other trained attack kittens
* babies
* toilet paper
* anything under a blanket
* unwanted house guests
* paper bags
* floor rugs
* Chuck Norris
* Feet.
Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting.
He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be.
This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively.
Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.
Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.
Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.
Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.
For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house!!!
ping
Oh, I believe it.
Ever had a calico?
FYI, Just in case your looking for a Viking Kitty to adopt.
OMG.
That is utterly one of the most brilliant pieces of satire I’ve ever seen on the Web.
And at the same time, it’s beyond twisted, and borders on the sick.
But it’s PIYP funny if you take it the right way.
Is that why my newly rescued 8 month old calico kitten acts the way she does??? I knew about the "Tortie-tude" with my other cat, Tasha the Tortie but now I have to look out for the tiny, innocent, cute Calico?
I didn't invent the thing!!
Some FReeper saw fit to send me a FReepmail, telling me that I was "promoting animal cruelty" and that my "real intentions shine right through." I have no idea what "intentions" are floating through this imaginative person's head. It is amazing how many people don't understand the concept of satire -- and extraordinary how delusional some people are.
For the FReeper who thinks she knows all about me : you DON'T. Get a grip. Lighten up, Francis. Don't get your knickers in a twist. And any other cliches I can think of.
Yikes, that's a frightening concept! Please tell me that this cat is not marching in "pride" parades, demanding separate restrooms, and going to swinging soirees with all his?/her? "bended" animal buddies!
Sorry about the size....I went into Photobucket and resized this down to the preset “website” (which usually makes a nice size for the FR) but so far it’s still too big.
I had to get my kitty a sex change operation. He had crystals in urine that did not respond to conventional
treatment. He’s a money pit, but I love my Thomas kitty.
He found me and I’ve had him for nearly 13 years now.
He loves parties and social gatherings.
Norman is just the unfortunate victim of a blocked urinary tract, which according to my vet is a very common problem in tom cats. In his case, the blockage was so bad that the only cure was a perineal urethrostomy—essentially a kitty sex change. Norman’s still 100% male in his little cat brain; he just doesn’t have male equipment any more.
If you ever decide to create a ping list for Maltese Frankenstein puppies with severe treat addictions, let me know.
Our kitty had the same surgery. He lived to be almost 19 although he was young when he had the surgery, less than 2. He had a good long healthy life afterwards. Very much loved and buried in our yard under the honeysuckle bower.
If there were veterinarians performing real "transsexual" mutilations on animals -- helping with their "gender identities".... now that's just too creepy a thought....
That’s funny. I think I used to have the same kitty. We lost her a few months ago, at the age of 16, and believe it or not I actually miss her. Although, I don’t think I’ll be getting another one any time soon.
My cat is known to get vicious on a irregular basis.
That sounds more like HairOfTheDog's jurisdiction.
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