Let the Silliness Begin!
Posted on 08/25/2006 12:39:47 AM PDT by sully777
One day he had heard enough. He called the head elder and complained that he was sick. He told him to have the Junior Pastor handle the service this Sunday morning. He felt a little guilty, but he was determined to go through with it.
He drove 50 miles to a golf course in another county so he wouldn't be spotted by anyone in his congregation and headed out to the first hole.
Meanwhile, up in Heaven, an angel spotted what Pastor Jones was up to. He went over to The LORD and said, "Sir, I think you need to see this."
"Well, well," The LORD said, "So Pastor Jones snuck out of his Sunday Service to play golf, eh?"
"Yes, sir," the angel replied, "and he lied to the Head Elder saying that he was sick."
"Hmmm." The LORD replied. "I guess we'll have to come up with a special punishment for this little infraction. You continue watching, I'll handle this."
Back on the golf course Pastor Jones had played two holes reasonably well. As he swung his driver on the third hole The LORD sprung into action. The ball sailed high and straight, came down on the green, bounced twice, and dropped into the cup. Pastor Jones was ecstatic, jumping up and down and shaking his fists in the air.
The angel was visibly upset. "Sir, I don't mean to question your judgement, but is that what you call a punishment?"
The LORD just grinned and asked, "Who's he gonna tell?"
Shalom.
| You Passed the US Citizenship Test |
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Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug.
Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the freshly washed Jaguar.
Shalom.
| Your Famous Last Words Will Be: |
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Hey that reminds me....what's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield???
His Butt!
Bumper sticker from www.Jarabina.com
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." - Last words of Pancho Villa.
I dunno.
Pancho Villa was notorious for crossing the US - Mexico border, robbing a bank, and then returning to Mexico outside the reach of US Law Enforcement.
Once an enterprising Texas Ranger tracked Pancho Villa across the border and deep into Mexico. He managed to track Pancho Villa to a saloon in a small town. There were only two men in the saloon, Villa and some other man that the Ranger didn't know. The Ranger went to the other man and said, "Do you speak English?"
"Si, senor," the man said. "I speak English real good."
"Good," said the Ranger. "Come over here and translate for me."
The Ranger approched Pancho Villa and said, "I want to know where the money is that you stole from the bank last Saturday." The other man dutifully translated. Villa said something in Spanish and the translator said, "Pancho Villa say - what you gonna do about it yankee pig?"
In answer the Ranger pulled out his six-shooter and pointed it straight at Villa's head. Villa started to sweat, then he started to tremble, then he started to speak again in Spanish. He told the translator that the money was buried underneath the first tree to the right of the road as you head north out of town. He said, "Go ahead and take the money, just don't hurt me."
The Ranger looked at the translator, who said, "Pancho Villa say - he say 'Go ahead and shoot, yankee pig. Pancho Villa not afraid of you.'"
Shalom.
Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk.
Son: What's up, Dad?
Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.
Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?
Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?
Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?
Son: Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.
Dad: So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?
Son: No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?
Son: Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.
Dad: So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?
Son: No. No, that is not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?" From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car ... the mailbox did...I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.
Dad: Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?
Son: From the former President of the United States, Bill Clinton.
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