Posted on 04/02/2006 4:57:53 PM PDT by oxcart
Help Freepers; Some dear friends just lost their baby due to miscarriage. I want to help them but being a single male I am clueless. Help please!
My wife miscarried 18 years ago between our two daughters. At the time she was around 16 weeks along. It was a very traumatic thing for both of us, especially the DNC. But the physician told us the baby was lost because it was not able to carry on. The most important thing to do is reassure the parents that the miscarriage was not their fault. It was just the way things happened. It will make the next child just that more special. A strong Faith in God's Will helps a lot.
MYOB
In some cases of miscarriage I know from families and friends, the couples had difficulty in achieving a pregnancy. That was followed by miscarriage. But after they were fortunate to have full-term pregnancies and wonderful children. It may be that miscarriage is sometimes a way of preparing the bodies and minds for being a parent.
Don't try to help them unless they ask. If they were my friends, I'd just send a card expressing sympathy and leave it at that.
Thank You!
I agree with Cagey. Write a nice note, and if the mother is having medical difficulty, order them a takeout meal (or cook, if you're a good cook :-).
There's really nothing useful to say, except "I'm so sorry, and I'm your friend if you need anything."
I did that today, thanks for the comments. I am looking for some web sites that I can direct them to.
Going to make my special gumbo meal for them and take it down tomorrow.
Not everyone wants to talk about it. When I had one I only spoke about it to my husband for many years. I would wait until your friend brings it up. My husband bought me a rose bush and we planted it together which was a sweet thing for him to do. It was in honor of the baby and it is growing wildy over a trellis. And we picked a star out of the sky and we named it for our baby. We often look at it and think about our baby. Because each person is different I would wait and see how it goes with your friend before bringing it up. I was very weepy and depressed for months. However since I have other children I couldn't be depressed for long.
I suffered a miscarriage of my first baby. I was about 11 or 12 weeks along. There is nothing that you can say. But you can just be there. Be there as you normally would and a little more. If they want to talk about their loss, let them and listen. Say you're sorry, that you're sympathetic with their loss. DON'T say they can have another one. They already know that. They are mourning the loss of THIS baby.
From my experience, I no longer feel grief. It ended with the successful pregnancy of my first born and I had two others besides. Sure, I miscarried a baby. That baby is in heaven and there is nothing I could have done to save the life and I didn't cause the death. I can rest in the assurance that for some reason I don't know, my miscarriage was part of God's sovereign plan. I pray your friends, in due season will be able to reach that assurance as well.
God bless you...wiping tears from my eyes now.
Very good!
Some people recover quickly from miscarriage, and some are very distressed. Unless you've experienced it yourself, being sorry and offering a meal is about all that's expected.
There are support groups for parents who are having trouble coping with a miscarriage. If your friends have this issue, they can ask at their doctor's office, church, or local health department.
It's very traumatic. We lost two children, one after only a couple of months, and one full term who was born dead.
But God has his reasons, and if you are faithful, you will mourn that child, pray for him or her, and then have as many others as the Lord sends you.
We named the second child, and this helped a lot. He couldn't be baptized because he was dead at birth, but if the child has a name, it is much better for the parents. When we buried him in the burial rite for unbaptized infants, the priest prayed for him by name - and this was a wonderful thing. His name was Benedict Joseph, btw.
I am sorry for your loss, but you have made a statement that will help my friends and many of others.
I thank you so much and God bless.
Thank You!
God bless you in your losses, especially with Benedict Joseph. I think one of the reasons that Jesus wept when Lazarus died was pure sympathy at the separation of death that Adam wrought. He knows what we're going through and longs for us to seek comfort in Him.
God bless you and I am so sorry for your loss. Your comment will help, so very much. THANK YOU!
Some churches work with the hospital to bury the child at a cemetary.
They put those that are not born in a special burial plot.
Perhaps a meal to their house might be nice.
God bless and keep them.
Excellent. Support at this time, no matter how small, is appreciated.
My wife and I went through two miscarriages. We named them, and are remembered in our prayers nightly.
We look upon them as our guardian angels.
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