Posted on 01/05/2006 9:03:52 PM PST by Slings and Arrows
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room
Also, click here for an article I didn't dare post.
Thanks for posting. I needed a laugh.
My pleasure.
Or the patient was exceptionally ugly.
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room"
Now THAT sounds like my family.
Anyone for croquet?
:^D
Don't bend over in the garden, Granny; you know them taters got eyes!
Had a medical chart state that there was nothing abnormal except for my blood pressure.
(How can there be 'nothing' abnormal except my blood pressure?)
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:
I actually understood that -- love Colin Edwards. Could I get on your not a ping list??
You're added.
Thank you muchly.
*snicker*
I bet this happens alot - American medical transcriptionists trying to interpret what foreign doctors are saying.
I have no doubt these medical report bloopers are real. I have been a medical transcriptionist for 25 years. I assure you doctors can sometimes put together some really crazy sentences - especially when they're dictating right after a long complex surgery and are tired. Correcting their lousy grammar and mixed up tenses is a very time-consuming job.
Case in point: One time, I was transcribing a total hip replacement for an orthopedic surgeon. Right in the middle of the report, he got confused about the type of report he was dictating. He began dictating a shoulder replacement surgery. At least, I hope he was confused...otherwise, that was one VERY strangly constructed man he was operating on! :)
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