Guys Rules

email | Unknown

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view...

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

[Maximus of Texas]

Sorry about that. I've been standing at conferences for two days straight, haven't been home since Monday. I'm a little beaten right now, anxious to get home tomorrow.

[tacticalogic]

So true, so true. You poor things.

It is simply a matter of domestic necessity.

[Mr. Jeeves]

1 - Men are NOT mind readers.

But women are expert body language readers - they can tell exactly how someone else feels just by looking at them and have been practicing that skill since they were four years old.. I think women often forget that most men have no idea how to do this. They can't believe we aren't able to just look at them and know how they are feeling, and think we are just being deliberately indifferent.

[Rca2000]

It is the same reason, that I do a mapquest, when I need to go anywhere unfamiliar, nowdays.

The reason for this, is that I HAVE often asked for directions(honestly, SOME men, at least, do that), and too often, I will get a response like this::

Excuse me, do you know where 1201 central street is?

"Uh, yeah. You go down to the next light, I think it is the next light, and then, you turn left at the burger king, or is it a a Mcdonalds, I think it is a BK, and then you go two streets down,. till you see a school, on the right side, no, maybe it is the left side, and then, you turn left at the next street, or maybe it is right, and then you go two more lights down, and turn left. Or no, its right.".


So, THAT is why most men, including myself, would rather depend on a MAP, or Mapquest, or some hard data, rather than asking directions, from somewhere who probably doesn't even know where he is at.

[Mr. Jeeves]

1 - Men are NOT mind readers.

But women are expert body language readers - they can tell exactly how someone else feels just by looking at them and have been practicing that skill since they were four years old.. I think women often forget that most men have no idea how to do this. They can't believe we aren't able to just look at them and know how they are feeling, and think we are just being deliberately indifferent.

[trubluolyguy]

I love "Don't ask us what we're thinking about."


I would add politics but that's probably only applicable to the women in my life.

[trubluolyguy]

"Every one of these is 100% true. My biggest peeves with the fairer sex are the mind-reading one and the one about hints not working."



My ex-wife would say "If you loved me you would just know!"


Notice the EX-wife.

[trubluolyguy]

"She learned a good lesson"



LOL, my ex tried the same thing with me, I forget what she was angry about but she told me one night, laying in bed that she didn't want to sleep in the same bed with me. I told her "Take a blanket it gets cold on that couch downstairs"

[teenyelliott]

Believe it or not, I prefer a man with a belly, rather than a six-pack.

Go figure.

[teenyelliott]

It is simply a matter of domestic necessity.

That, and the fact that you are always wrong!

[tacticalogic]

That, and the fact that you are always wrong!

I rest my case.

[teenyelliott]

You need a massage.

[teenyelliott]

Funny tagline.

[tacticalogic]

Thanks :)

[Maximus of Texas]

Not a bad idea. Right now a good episode of Seinfeld is keeping me smiling.

[exDemMom]

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.

It's far better to spend the 20 minutes looking for the remote than the 15 seconds it takes to walk over and change the channel. I've actually yelled at my son for walking across the room to manually change the channel. He should have been helping me search.

[exDemMom]

Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

Does it help if I say before or afterward, "BTW, this is a HINT"?

[Rca2000]

I know that all you are speaking of is a joke and all, and it IS funny. BUT-- there is a serious, technical reason, why you should NOT solely use the remote, to operate your TV set, or ANY other electronic items.

Most all modern(last 10-20 yrs), TV sets, VCR's Cd and DVD players, etc, have digital control(as in computer) in them. Most of the functions of these sets therefore, is done by little touch-type buttons, that you push lightly(in the biz, we call them "tact" switches. No matter how big the outer button is, most often the actual switch is a tiny (little bigger than 1/4") switch, that signals the computer, of your commands.

Now, the computer also receives its commands, from the IR, or remote sensor. THIS is what most everyone, including me, use to control their electronic devices-- the remote. And, that is ok, TO A POINT...

The problem arises, when too much time goes by(more than 6months, or so), in which the front-panel controls NEVER get used. What can (and WILL) happen in such a case, is that ,without use, the contacts of these little tiny switches will "oxidize", and then, they become unstable, to where that, if one does try to use them, they will often do what we term "bounce"; that is, when the button is pushed, it makes multiple on and off contact, due to the oxidation in the switch. This can confuse the computer, and cause it to do the WRONG, thing, such as : shutting the set OFF, when the volume or channel button is pushed, or changing the channels, if the volume is pushed, Changing the volume if the menu is pushed, and so on. With continued disuse, this will get so bad, that the switches will NEVER function, as intended.

Now, some out there will say"well, I never need the front panel switches anyway, I just use the remote all of the time, so it will not matter, right". SORRY!!!!, But NO, this is NOT right. Due to the fact, that the front panel switches are ALWAYS active, and waiting to communicate with the computer, if they get bad enough, they WILL send false commands to the computer, EVEN IF no one touches them, causing erratic operation, such as the set turning off and on, changing channels, volume levels, etc. I have seen this, a good number of times, and had to inform a couple of others about it, recently. Also, if someone spills something on the front of the set, this will mess up the switches IMMEDIATELY, and cause erratic, or no, operation ,at once.

So, the bottom line is, USE THE KEYBOARD, when you are close to the set, and at least, use it occasionally. This will keep the switches from getting oxidized, and the set(and its owners), will be a lot happier.

BTW-- RCA(and Proscan and GE) sets, seem to be the worst about switch problems, followed by Sony.

[exDemMom]

Can you clean the switches with a Q-tip and some alcohol?
Or lightly sand them?

On our TV, the channel control is a rocker switch. Push left to make the channels go down, one at a time, push right to make them go up. It is a real pain. Most of the time we switch channels through the satellite receiver, which has only an on/off switch on the unit, and all of its other functions are on the remote.

I've heard that other equipment, such as computers and stuff, needs to be used occasionally or it will cease to function.

[nhoward14]

The Man's Prayer

I am a man.

And I can change.

If I have to.

I guess.