Posted on 09/15/2005 12:14:39 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view...
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh
Thank you, thank you. You have no idea how many men I've had arguements with over that collection. "Give me some room in the closet! How many pairs of white sandals can you possible use? I count eight pairs of black heels under the kitchen table and it's only Wednesday". Whine whine whine.
Well, don't let us keep you then.
Fifteen years.
I put this list to the test.
Fine.
Just bring me that beer already.
She's got everything I need
Takes the wheel when I'm seeing double
Pays my ticket when I speed...
She come skimming through rays of violet She can wade in a drop of dew
She don't come and I don't follow Waits backstage while I sing to you ...
She can dance a Cajun rhythm
Jump like a Willys in four wheel drive
She's a summer love in the spring, fall and winter
She can make happy any man alive
Sugar Magnolia...
"...is why Indians are called Indians."
Pretty racist comment there, Teeny.
:)
You're just defensive cause you're Blue.
Look, we know you're just jealous over the fact that:
1. We can pee wherever we want.
2. We get to be President.
3. Same job, better pay.
4. We don't cry if you don't notice our haircut.
5. We don't try to hide the fact that the average person passes gas 17 times a day,
I'm GLAD I'm a woman.
Or as Eliane from Seinfeld would say... "I don't know how you all walk around with those things."
"I'm GLAD I'm a woman."
I'm guess that was your husband's response right after the honeymoon.
I thought they were a package deal...
He is not a woman.
Uh, your missed my point.
We don't have to. We know that whatever goes wrong is going to be our fault.
I KNOW what you meant. But you typed it funnily, so I made fun.
Who peed in your post toasties????
So true, so true. You poor things.
What's so gross about our beer bellies? ;)
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