***Official Friday Silliness Thread***

do not click this ^ | 09/09/2005 | *shrugs*

[BJClinton]

w00t! TGIF! Long week but it's finally over, the wife is out of town for a Kolache contest and I have a guild raid of Molten Core this weekend (if you know what that means without googling it, you need to get a life). So let's get this going, shall we?





Turd Twister Patented Design Features (Click pic for details, this is real!)

[LongElegantLegs]

Think they'll do okay in a manila envelope? ;-)

[BJClinton]

Dad sent it to me.

[Dashing Dasher]

[Xenophobic Alien]

Just poke holes in it.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

LOL, where do you find this stuff?

[The_Victor]

Still trying...I'm really not much of a cat person. They're cute and all, but...They're just not my thing. I already have a pet; He's a Betta named George, and he loves me. Any more love would be superflous. ;-P

We have a Beta too. Alpha the Beta. The cats love him,... a lot. But he doesn't appear to be too traumatized by the paws that periodically materialize in his domain. Actually it's the most attention he receives, and is probably good exercise.

[Conspiracy Guy]

It's those ever so sexy photos.

[llevrok]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her
husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.

The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing the little boy already is in there.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$150"
Man: "Sold."

In the next few weeks, it happens again, the boy and the lover are trapped in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last shakedown, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$350"
Man: "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later, the boy's father says, "Grab your ball and glove, let's go outside and play catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."

They go to church and the father leads his little son sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, kid. You're in my closet now."

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Sexy photos? Of who?

[Dashing Dasher]

I have several demented friends who send me things daily.

I pick the clean ones and share them.

;-)

[P-Chan Penny]

I'd love to be on the ping list... I need my Official Friday Silliness! And with that in mind...

Vito and Vladimir

There were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.

Vladimir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?"

Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret . . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public."

Vladimir : "OK. It's a deal."

Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around."

Vladimir : "That's it? I can do that."

The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and
picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that women . . .and men began to notice him. "It's working, he thought." But soon he began to realize that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him.

He rushed over to Vito and asked "Vito, what's the problem? Why isn't it working?"

Vito: "Because you're supposed to put the potato in the
FRONT!!"

---

Happy Friday All!

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

I can't imagine you having demented friends..../sarcasm.

Demented, I guess I qualify.

[Conspiracy Guy]

I'm not saying.

[llevrok]

Do you ever wonder how strong Superman's condom must be?

[Michael Goldsberry]

I reset my boss' passwd to "id10t" and changed his shell to /dev/null on the financial server.

That shut him up for awhile. ;^D

I feel better already.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

There are over 200 attorneys here. It would take me too long to even try to cause that much mayhem.

[Michael Goldsberry]

"I can't imagine you having demented friends"

I think she's talking about me.

How sweeeeet!

[lilylangtree]

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country!"

But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says "I no American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says...

"Probably at work."

---

Four Religious Truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

---

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we will may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"

"Oy, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month," he asks?

"Oy, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.Esther pulls away and asks him, " So, why did you kiss me?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us."

---

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said"Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!
I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more."

"I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said,
(You're going to love this!)

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"

[Prime Choice]

Everybody dance!

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Well, I do not pose for pictures that often so I know it isn't me. Besides that would be SCARY photos instead of sexy.

Here is a sexy photo for you.