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***Official Friday Silliness Thread***
do not click this ^ | 09/09/2005 | *shrugs*

Posted on 09/09/2005 5:37:55 AM PDT by BJClinton

w00t! TGIF! Long week but it's finally over, the wife is out of town for a Kolache contest and I have a guild raid of Molten Core this weekend (if you know what that means without googling it, you need to get a life). So let's get this going, shall we?





Turd Twister Patented Design Features (Click pic for details, this is real!)



TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Humor
KEYWORDS: beer; missyouthag; ofst; qwerty; tgif
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Oh yeah, and I just *have* to repost the silliest headline of the year!

Balls-up leaves testicle cookers hanging (That is actually the headline)
1 posted on 09/09/2005 5:37:55 AM PDT by BJClinton
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To: TXBSAFH; JeffreyH; JJR RNCH; Rightly Biased; acad1228; DuckFan4ever; StrangerInParadise; ...

Lemmneaux if you want on or off of the OFST ping list!


2 posted on 09/09/2005 5:39:18 AM PDT by BJClinton (+ /_\)
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To: BJClinton

Where is there a giant lizard banging on my front door?


3 posted on 09/09/2005 5:40:20 AM PDT by theDentist (The Dems have put all their eggs in one basket-case: Howard "Belltower" Dean.)
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To: BJClinton

Top Ten!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

Happy Friday all!


4 posted on 09/09/2005 5:40:23 AM PDT by day10 (Rules cannot substitute for character.)
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To: BJClinton

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"

"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.

"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.

"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.

After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"


5 posted on 09/09/2005 5:42:32 AM PDT by day10 (Rules cannot substitute for character.)
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To: BJClinton
Happy FRIDAY!


6 posted on 09/09/2005 5:43:26 AM PDT by Fierce Allegiance
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To: BJClinton

That graphic is going to haunt me when it comes time for my "morning constitutional"...


7 posted on 09/09/2005 5:43:30 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (Cindy, ya shoulda stuck with "offshore drilling" as your cause)
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To: theDentist

Where? I would assume your front porch.


8 posted on 09/09/2005 5:46:28 AM PDT by BJClinton (+ /_\)
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To: BJClinton

WOOHOO!


TGIF!


9 posted on 09/09/2005 5:46:52 AM PDT by Xenophobic Alien ("It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.")
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To: ErnBatavia

The Aquarium or the twister?


10 posted on 09/09/2005 5:47:24 AM PDT by BJClinton (+ /_\)
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To: BJClinton
Jeez, do a search willya?

This was Already Posted.

11 posted on 09/09/2005 5:47:25 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: BJClinton
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! ... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy says, "You're bulls****in' me!! "

To which the social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

12 posted on 09/09/2005 5:48:15 AM PDT by Egon (By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.)
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To: BJClinton

Cartoon Laws of Physics

Cartoon Law I

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.

Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V

All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.

A wacky character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.

The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

Cartoon Law VIII

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary:

A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX

Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law Amendment A

A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B

The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.

Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C

Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

They merely turn characters temporarily black and smokey.

Cartoon Law Amendment D

Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law Amendment E

Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold).

The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.

13 posted on 09/09/2005 5:48:26 AM PDT by BJClinton (+ /_\)
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To: BJClinton

Bump for silliness! I'm already getting my butt kicked at work today.

More silliness, I say!


14 posted on 09/09/2005 5:49:53 AM PDT by Michael Goldsberry (an enemy of islam -- Joe Boucher; Leapfrog; Dr.Zoidberg; Lazamataz; ...)
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To: Izzy Dunne
Search? Wuzzat? Like a Google Search?
15 posted on 09/09/2005 5:50:11 AM PDT by BJClinton (+ /_\)
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To: BJClinton
I think I could use this:


16 posted on 09/09/2005 5:50:44 AM PDT by day10 (Rules cannot substitute for character.)
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To: BJClinton
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
17 posted on 09/09/2005 5:51:53 AM PDT by cripplecreek (If you must obey your party, may your chains rest lightly upon your shoulders.)
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To: BJClinton
Yes. I tried to get the weiner dog to go out the doggie door in back, but he just bit my ankle and scooted 'neath the couch. And that reptile's flickering tongue has already made it impossible to see thru the front door window.

This isn't how Fridays are supposed to start!

18 posted on 09/09/2005 5:52:35 AM PDT by theDentist (The Dems have put all their eggs in one basket-case: Howard "Belltower" Dean.)
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To: BJClinton

Wow! Early start this morning! Let's get it started!!!


19 posted on 09/09/2005 5:52:44 AM PDT by Rummyfan
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To: BJClinton
Is it Friday already?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
20 posted on 09/09/2005 5:53:44 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Warning.... Contents under pressure....If you don't like what I say, don't read it !)
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