The divorcees knife set:
Posted on 08/26/2005 6:11:05 AM PDT by BJClinton
w00t! TGIF! A much better week than last but none-the-less, it's Friday and time for a little unwinding before the weekend. Speaking of which, if you're in central TX and have no compassion for your taste-buds, join me at the Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Festival on Sunday.
The divorcees knife set:
2. You can not study and pass.
3. Multiple choice does not mean easy.
4. There are no trains here.
5. Six exams can be written in 4 days, but it hurts.
6. You can skip all the classes, study for 15 minutes before the final, and still do better than an arts student in any arts class.
7. Pi to six decimal places.
8. Judging by fellow students, engineers are either drunks or geeks.
9. Everyone is someone else's wierdo.
10. Front-row people are weird.
11. Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
12. A 95.75% can be an A.
13. An 80.1% can be an A+.
14. You can kill your neighbors with a 9-volt battery.
15. A 15% can be the 3rd highest grade in the class.
}^)
I knew there would be a wiseguy who would post a clown...John Wayne Gacy...very "not funny"...
Okay fellow clownophobes, I saw previews for a show where these "clown orgies" would take place in hotels. People would show up in clown makeup & just start gettin down & dirty with clown strangers. I literally had a couple nightmares after seeing that. Can you imagine???
LOL...sounds messy. I wouldn't be surprised that happened here in Vegas. Just out of curiousity, what was the show? :)
Yeah, Gacy's story changed my whole mindset about clowns.
I wouldn't get near somebody in clown makeup now.
How about theme park characters? Santa? Easter Bunny? :)
Scariest thing I ever seen. Last Halloween. My wife dressed up in a Scooby-Doo costume. Now I get hot when I see the cartoon.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK." She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER." She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY." She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE." She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND." She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD." She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY." She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS." She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you. She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP." She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS." She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER." She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
It's ok if you know who's "in there". My husband put on a Jar Jar Binks mask once...briefly. :)
Go #4!
and of course, #77!
Now that is funny, in a really sad sort of way.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT." He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER." He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME." He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING." He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER." He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK." He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS." He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. " He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT." He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY." He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants. It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Santa is fine, so far
Theme Park characters... kind of up in the air on that one.
Female Comebacks!
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
I got a full tank of LOL this morning. Only I think I cried when I had to pay.
I don't remember what the show was. I was house sitting & it was something on cable (big surprise there!) I just saw the previews & that was enough for me.
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