Female Comebacks!
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
FRUITCAKES
by Jimmy Buffett
[Chorus:]
Fruitcakes in the kitchen
Fruitcakes on the street
Struttin' naked through the cross walk
In the middle of the week
You are viewing lyrics of Fruitcakes by JIMMY BUFFETT from the album Fruitcakes at LyricsAndSongs.COM
Half baked cookies in the oven
Half baked people on the bus
There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
Paradise - Lost and found
Paradise - take a look around
I was out in California
Where I hear they have it all
They got riots, fires and mud slides
They got sushi in the mall
Water bars and Brontosaurs
Chinese modern lust
Shake and bake life with the quake
The secret's in the crust
[Chorus]
We lost our Martian rocket ship
The high paid spokesman said
Looks like that silly rocket ship
Has lost it's cone-shaped head
We spent ninety jillion dollars
Tryin' to get a look at Mars
I hear universal laughter
Ringing out among the stars
Fruitcakes in the galaxy
Fruitcakes on the Earth
Strut naked towards eternity
We've been that way since birth
Half baked cookies in the oven
Half baked people on the bus
There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
Religion, religion.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa
Where's the church, who took the steeple
Religion's in the hands of some crazy ass people
Television preachers with bad hair and dimples
The God's honest truth is it's not that simple
It's the Buddhist in you, it's the pagan in me
It's the Muslim in him, she's Catholic ain't she?
It's that born again look, it's the wasp and the Jew
Tell me what's goin on, I ain't got a clue
Here come the big ones - Relationships -
We all got 'em, we all want 'em. What do we do with'em?
Here we go I'll tell ya
She said you've got to do your fair share
Now cough up half the rent
I treat my body like a temple
You treat yours like a tent
But the right word at the right time
May get me a little hug
That's the difference between lightning
And a harmless lightning bug
Fruitcakes in the kitchen
Fruitcakes on the street
Struttin' naked through the cross walk
In the middle of the week
Half baked cookies in the oven
Half baked people on the bus
There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
The future, Captain's log, Star date 2000 and somethin'
We're seven years from the millennium
That's a science fiction fact
Stanley Kubrick and his buddy Hal
Now don't look that abstract
So I'll put on my Bob Marley tape
And practice what I preach
Get Ja lost in the reggae mon
As I walk along the beach
Stay in touch with my insanity
Really is the only way
It's a jungle out there kiddies
Have a very fruitful day