Top 10 Signs You are in a Redneck Baptist Church

My Own Brain | 04/04/2005 | VRWCmember

[VRWCmember]

Top 10 Signs you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church

10. Pastor's waders for the baptistry are full camo with a built-in duck-call on the shoulder strap;
9. Sunday's offering receipts included a $10 store credit voucher for Joe Bob's Liquorama;
8. Revivals with guest preacher always coincide with church staff vacation -- the first weekend of deer season;
7. Church bus no longer has wheels or an engine, but is still parked out back to use for Sunday School classroom space;
6. Church orchestra consists of a banjo, steel guitar, mouth organ, bass fiddle, and a tub and washboard.
5. There is a line item in the church budget for Lotto Tickets;
4. Choir robes look suspiciously like Home Depot employee aprons;
3. Yours is the only Baptist Church that Jimmuh Carter will still attend from time to time;
2. On the way out of the church, the deacon chairman's wife told the pastor "That was one hell of a sermon, Preacher!";

and the Number 1 sign you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church:

1. Communion services: Pizza and Budweiser.

[Echo Talon]

I'm Baptist.

[AmericanMade1776]

"Why are Baptists so against fornication? Because it might lead to DANCING!..........."

Must be why Baptist are against drinking alchol too, it leads to Fornication, and that leads to DANCING !

[Rightly Biased]

Me too..........

[Space Wrangler]

No worries there!

[AmericanMade1776]

I don't hate Country Songs, but find they put me to sleep, if I am Driving a Car. Never listens to County in the car.

[Swanks]

Southern Baptist church for several months and a GARBC Baptist church for 3 years Ha ! GARB'ers think Southern Baptists are reprobates.

[Red Badger]

Baptists: We're not having any fun, and we don't want you to, either.....

[Rightly Biased]

lol,

I laugh at those that can't laugh at themselves.

Most people can.

I think thats why the Blue Collar Comedy Tour does so well.

[Echo Talon]

:P I'm haven't been to Church in awhile. But, consider myself Baptist. I could say Lutheran to make it sound better my mothers side of the family are Lutheran, I have been to both and cant really tell the difference. I feel ashamed if I tell people I'm Lutheran just because I'm afraid someone will make fun of me. So, I just say I'm baptist and be proud of it.

[Rightly Biased]

Baptists: We're not having any fun, and we don't want you to, either.....

I should put that on the marquee in front of the church this week. I bet that pastor wouldn't go for it.

[Rightly Biased]

If it werent for the Lutheran then no Baptists.

I have a couple of friends raised Lutheran and converted to Southern Baptist we don't make too much fun of em.

When the pastor talks about heathens we do parade em down the isle though.

[AmericanMade1776]

I was one of Four Children raised in a Baptist home, and not a drop of Booze in the house....for 20 years. Having One Child, I asked my parents how they were able to raise four kids, without an occasional wine cooler or beer. :-)

[Echo Talon]

I was one of Four Children raised in a Baptist home, and not a drop of Booze in the house....for 20 years. Having One Child, I asked my parents how they were able to raise four kids, without an occasional wine cooler or beer. :-)

Ditto, but I dont drink either. Don't get me wrong, in High School I was a maniac parry animal and tried almost every substance known to man. But have since grown up and haven't drank or done any drugs in over 10 years.

[biblewonk]

GARBC thinks everyone is a reprobate. Absolutely everyone. I find that fairly common among an awful lot of denominations though. I think one of the best things a person can do is not stay in one denomination all their life. You have a better feel for what is party/denominational line rhetoric vs what is scriptural.

[biblewonk]

Really its not the drinking its the drunkenness. So why stumble or cause another too stumble.

None the less I have resembled so many of these jokes. my side hurts.

Speaking of stumbling, this cop watches a guy stumble out of a bar with several other people. This guy is in horrible shape and can barely walk. He staggers to a car and tries a couple of keys and seems to realize it's the wrong car. He goes to a second car and does the same until he finally finds a car that his keys open. As soon as he takes off the cop rushes after him and pulls him over. He gives the guy a breathalizer test and the guy scores 0.0. The cop seems confused until the guy says. "I'm the designated decoy for the night".

[AmericanMade1776]

Good for you Echo...Good for you.

[MotleyGirl70]

lol. I have to pass this one along to a few friends.

[Alouette]

This Baptist was stranded on an Island for 10 years before someone rescued him. When they found him, he had built three primitive huts.

Old one! Taken from this Jewish joke:

This Jew was stranded on a desert Island for 10 years before someone rescued him. When they found him, he had built three primitive huts.

The Rescuers asked the Stranded Jew, what the Hut on the Left was? He said that is my home. Then they asked what the middle hut was used for? He said that is my shul (synagogue)

Then then asked him what the other hut was for? He said that is the shul that I won't be caught dead in.

[Rightly Biased]

lol but was he a baptist?