Posted on 04/04/2005 12:30:35 PM PDT by VRWCmember
Top 10 Signs you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church
10. Pastor's waders for the baptistry are full camo with a built-in duck-call on the shoulder strap;
9. Sunday's offering receipts included a $10 store credit voucher for Joe Bob's Liquorama;
8. Revivals with guest preacher always coincide with church staff vacation -- the first weekend of deer season;
7. Church bus no longer has wheels or an engine, but is still parked out back to use for Sunday School classroom space;
6. Church orchestra consists of a banjo, steel guitar, mouth organ, bass fiddle, and a tub and washboard.
5. There is a line item in the church budget for Lotto Tickets;
4. Choir robes look suspiciously like Home Depot employee aprons;
3. Yours is the only Baptist Church that Jimmuh Carter will still attend from time to time;
2. On the way out of the church, the deacon chairman's wife told the pastor "That was one hell of a sermon, Preacher!";
and the Number 1 sign you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church:
1. Communion services: Pizza and Budweiser.
Because Baptists, as a denomination, are very very opposed to drinking. When they are together, they are a lot more firm on that rule of thumb.
I thought Baptists didn't drink.
BTW I be a Southern Baptist. Don't drink but man does that hit home.
Glad you liked it. I went to a Southern Baptist church for several months and a GARBC Baptist church for 3 years. When I was joining I saw that there was no drinking. I said, "Hey! I'm not going to quit drinking, I don't even believe that is scriptural but I certainly won't say I will quit when I won't". They were kind enought to wave that rule. ;-)
Catholics don't recognize Protestants.
Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor stores.....
Even though I'm a Baptist all my 50 years, I don't follow all their doctrine. Drinking is okay by me. And I still haven't got a clue as to why Baptists preach against gambling. Not in my Bibles anywhere...........wanna Bet?.....
Here is a story about the Irish Baptist.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drink the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he come in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," He explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected me brothers though."
It's in our creed, but I don't follow all it says........
LOL!!!!!.....My old church!
Because it might lead to DANCING!...........
Well, Redneck Baptists do.
Really its not the drinking its the drunkenness. So why stumble or cause another too stumble.
None the less I have resembled so many of these jokes. my side hurts.
How can you tell who the Gays are at the St. Patrick's Day Parade?
They're the ones wearing collars.
What's the main difference between Catholics and Baptists?
Catholics greet eachother at the liquor store.
All baptist drink some just don't drink alcohol
No, they just don't let anyone else know they drink. I grew up Southern Baptist, and still consider myself as such, but I have the reputation as the 'rowdy' type simply because I drink openly and could care less who knows about it. And I can't even claim originality on that, as my dad's rep far precedes mine. It's easing up, and I look for some loosening up of this particular doctrine within Baptist theology some time in the next century or so.
That soon huh?
If you know what a Church Knife is, have one and use it during services.
We can only hope it's that soon. ;>)
haha...funny
Oh man, that's a good one!! LOL!!! That one's being sent to everyone in my address book forthwith!!
Don't let your beer get stale waiting. ;^D
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.