Posted on 04/04/2005 12:30:35 PM PDT by VRWCmember
Top 10 Signs you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church
10. Pastor's waders for the baptistry are full camo with a built-in duck-call on the shoulder strap;
9. Sunday's offering receipts included a $10 store credit voucher for Joe Bob's Liquorama;
8. Revivals with guest preacher always coincide with church staff vacation -- the first weekend of deer season;
7. Church bus no longer has wheels or an engine, but is still parked out back to use for Sunday School classroom space;
6. Church orchestra consists of a banjo, steel guitar, mouth organ, bass fiddle, and a tub and washboard.
5. There is a line item in the church budget for Lotto Tickets;
4. Choir robes look suspiciously like Home Depot employee aprons;
3. Yours is the only Baptist Church that Jimmuh Carter will still attend from time to time;
2. On the way out of the church, the deacon chairman's wife told the pastor "That was one hell of a sermon, Preacher!";
and the Number 1 sign you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church:
1. Communion services: Pizza and Budweiser.
As long as they are in Church..that is great. :-)
/welfare
I heard that.
Except for the part about Jimmuh Carter feeling welcome there, I thought this might not be too far off the mark for your church CG.
Jimmah would get pummeled. Instead of, Amen, we say, I heard that!
Never take a Baptist fishing, he'll drink all of your beer. Always take 2 baptists fishing, they won't touch your beer.
"Bible thumping, father of 8 homeschooled kids, tattoed white trash, ex Army trained killing machine, software engineer, loud pipes save lives riding, organic gardening, windmiller."
Must be a country song in there somewhere.
Humor is humor but just personally this is rather insulting.
And why won't two Baptist touch your beer?
Ain't that the truth. Thanks that one will keep me laughing all day. I might make that my new tagline.
BTW I be a Southern Baptist. Don't drink but man does that hit home.
Sorry you felt insulted by this.
The implication is that neither baptist will drink in front of the other. There is another old joke about various doctrines that different denominations don't recognize, with the punchline being that Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.
The idea was to take various things that are common in a Baptist church and then observe how they would be different in a "Redneck" baptist church. It was not intended to be an insult to anyone. As a lifelong baptist, I am laughing at myself as much as anyone else. The idea was inspired by a co-worker who described an incident where one of the church members actually told the pastor "that was one hell of a sermon today, preacher" and I thought to myself that sounds almost like a Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke, so I came up with this list.
I was raised Southern Baptist, but am Now Methodist. You know Methodist are allowed to dance ..hehheh!
How do you know you are in a Redneck Baptist church? Everyone is wearing flip flops.
Here is another anecdote from the Baptist World Leadership Conference: An American baptist lit up a cigaretted and the German baptist was so shocked he spilled his beer.
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This Baptist was stranded on an Island for 10 years before someone rescued him. When they found him, he had built three primitive huts.
The Rescurers asked the Stranded Baptist, what the Hut on the Left was? He said that is my home. Then they asked what the middle hut was used for? He said that is my Church
Then then asked him what the other hut was for? He said that is my old church.
PS: I hate country.
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