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Top 10 Signs You are in a Redneck Baptist Church
My Own Brain | 04/04/2005 | VRWCmember

Posted on 04/04/2005 12:30:35 PM PDT by VRWCmember

Top 10 Signs you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church

10. Pastor's waders for the baptistry are full camo with a built-in duck-call on the shoulder strap;
9. Sunday's offering receipts included a $10 store credit voucher for Joe Bob's Liquorama;
8. Revivals with guest preacher always coincide with church staff vacation -- the first weekend of deer season;
7. Church bus no longer has wheels or an engine, but is still parked out back to use for Sunday School classroom space;
6. Church orchestra consists of a banjo, steel guitar, mouth organ, bass fiddle, and a tub and washboard.
5. There is a line item in the church budget for Lotto Tickets;
4. Choir robes look suspiciously like Home Depot employee aprons;
3. Yours is the only Baptist Church that Jimmuh Carter will still attend from time to time;
2. On the way out of the church, the deacon chairman's wife told the pastor "That was one hell of a sermon, Preacher!";

and the Number 1 sign you are a member of a Redneck Baptist Church:

1. Communion services: Pizza and Budweiser.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: baptist; humorbreak; redneck; redneckbaptist; topten
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1 posted on 04/04/2005 12:30:37 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: VRWCmember

As long as they are in Church..that is great. :-)


2 posted on 04/04/2005 12:34:51 PM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: VRWCmember
Top 10 Signs You are in a 'DEMOCRAT' (DNC) Redneck Baptist Church?

/welfare

3 posted on 04/04/2005 12:43:18 PM PDT by maestro
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To: VRWCmember

I heard that.


4 posted on 04/04/2005 12:51:07 PM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Tag line repossessed)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

Except for the part about Jimmuh Carter feeling welcome there, I thought this might not be too far off the mark for your church CG.


5 posted on 04/04/2005 12:52:41 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: VRWCmember

Jimmah would get pummeled. Instead of, Amen, we say, I heard that!


6 posted on 04/04/2005 12:54:13 PM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Tag line repossessed)
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To: AmericanMade1776

Never take a Baptist fishing, he'll drink all of your beer. Always take 2 baptists fishing, they won't touch your beer.


7 posted on 04/04/2005 12:57:05 PM PDT by biblewonk (WELL I SPEAK LOUD, AND I CARRY A BIGGER STICK, AND I USE IT TOO!)
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To: biblewonk
Just love your description of yourself on your profile:

"Bible thumping, father of 8 homeschooled kids, tattoed white trash, ex Army trained killing machine, software engineer, loud pipes save lives riding, organic gardening, windmiller."

Must be a country song in there somewhere.

8 posted on 04/04/2005 1:00:49 PM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: VRWCmember

Humor is humor but just personally this is rather insulting.


9 posted on 04/04/2005 1:01:12 PM PDT by swmobuffalo (the only good terrorist is a dead one)
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To: biblewonk

And why won't two Baptist touch your beer?


10 posted on 04/04/2005 1:01:25 PM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: biblewonk

Ain't that the truth. Thanks that one will keep me laughing all day. I might make that my new tagline.

BTW I be a Southern Baptist. Don't drink but man does that hit home.


11 posted on 04/04/2005 1:02:54 PM PDT by Rightly Biased (Lazamataz Dead in a Tragic sex accident! See your local obit)
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To: swmobuffalo

Sorry you felt insulted by this.


12 posted on 04/04/2005 1:03:33 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: AmericanMade1776
And why won't two Baptist touch your beer?

The implication is that neither baptist will drink in front of the other. There is another old joke about various doctrines that different denominations don't recognize, with the punchline being that Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.

13 posted on 04/04/2005 1:06:41 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: swmobuffalo

The idea was to take various things that are common in a Baptist church and then observe how they would be different in a "Redneck" baptist church. It was not intended to be an insult to anyone. As a lifelong baptist, I am laughing at myself as much as anyone else. The idea was inspired by a co-worker who described an incident where one of the church members actually told the pastor "that was one hell of a sermon today, preacher" and I thought to myself that sounds almost like a Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke, so I came up with this list.


14 posted on 04/04/2005 1:10:35 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: biblewonk
This Baptist (chapin) will drink a beer when I want, and with whom I want if the beer is in reach of my arm. ;)

P.S. Love your posts.
15 posted on 04/04/2005 1:10:41 PM PDT by chapin2500 (Revenge is a dish best served cold.)
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To: VRWCmember

I was raised Southern Baptist, but am Now Methodist. You know Methodist are allowed to dance ..hehheh!


16 posted on 04/04/2005 1:15:14 PM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: VRWCmember
Ahhh...I see..you created these Redneck in Church Jokes...well....let me help with the tastelessness.

How do you know you are in a Redneck Baptist church? Everyone is wearing flip flops.

17 posted on 04/04/2005 1:17:01 PM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: AmericanMade1776
The old dancing routine would have been easy to use, along with the deacons smoking out back; but I tried to come up with some original material.

Here is another anecdote from the Baptist World Leadership Conference: An American baptist lit up a cigaretted and the German baptist was so shocked he spilled his beer.

18 posted on 04/04/2005 1:19:24 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: VRWCmember
It is true..that Baptist drink on the sly. Since we are telling Baptist jokes..I have one for you.

-----------------

This Baptist was stranded on an Island for 10 years before someone rescued him. When they found him, he had built three primitive huts.

The Rescurers asked the Stranded Baptist, what the Hut on the Left was? He said that is my home. Then they asked what the middle hut was used for? He said that is my Church

Then then asked him what the other hut was for? He said that is my old church.

19 posted on 04/04/2005 1:20:23 PM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: AmericanMade1776
"Sounds like a country song"

PS: I hate country.

20 posted on 04/04/2005 1:23:24 PM PDT by biblewonk (WELL I SPEAK LOUD, AND I CARRY A BIGGER STICK, AND I USE IT TOO!)
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