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Posted on 06/16/2004 6:35:29 AM PDT by JustAmy
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Here's something to raise your spirits: The True Southerner
1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit
and a conniption, and that you "PITCH" one, -- and you "HAVE" the other.
2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip
greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."
3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder."
4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as
in: "Going to town, be back directly.
5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is
not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a
pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might
not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken
and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right
near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the
road" can be 1 mile or 20.
9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference
between a redneck, a good ole boy, and po' white trash.
10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a
verb, or an adverb.
12.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We
don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to
everybody!
13.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover
they're related, even if only by marriage.
14.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
15.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
16.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and
coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast
food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
17.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' ... ,"
you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
18.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. (And I add
to this statement that when true Southerners say 'light bread' that they
mean the 'store-bought-sliced variety and most of the time they mean
the white kind, no matter the brand name.).
19.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends,
you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.
20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little
old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her
heart," and go your own way.
Hi Mama Bear! We have more work now, so I have less time to FReep from work (which is where I am now).
Yep, on top of it I'm not feeling well, so my mind isn't working as well either (- which means even if I'm here I have nothing to say).
I was thinking about our FReeper FRiend Jacqui, and I came up with this.
Anyone who'd want to do the graphic would have a lot of work. Nevertheless, here are the instructions:
Take a map of Australia, and turn it over. If you can see through it, you'll notice there are a lot of parallels to the 48 contiguous states.
I noticed the relationship a while ago, and naturally, it required a poem...
Aussie -- U.S. See?
Half a day ahead in time, and halfway through tomorrow,
There is a place beloved of our old west’s place of sorrow.
Perhaps not Rattlers or stampedes, nor hostile indian,
But snaggy little torments that are just Australian.
Who would have thought that bunnies could become a nasty pest,
But there they are in millions as a most unwelcome guest.
And who hired that crazy weatherperson when the circus was in town?
That when we are dripping puddles they see snowflakes drifting down.
I say the place is upside down. We all knew that from the start,
But I can at least explain it with a little bit of art.
Just turn that map the right way up, it takes a little fuss,
But then you’ll recognize the place because it looks like us.
You’ll note that things get warmer as you move down to the bottom,
And all that California stuff, it’s clear that Queensland now has got ‘em.
You’ll see the Lakes are in the right place after all,
And Tasmania’s like New England where we see the leaves in Fall.
There’s a finger just like Florida, complete with lovely keys,
And the Rio Grande is really grand, the Pacific if you please!
There is a place like Texas where it comes down to the coast,
With a sturdy bit of railroad and a place for Darwin’s ghost.
Lake Disappointment marks the spot where Bonneville once lay,
Before it just curled up and died of too much sun one ancient day.
For better understanding flip around the map you know,
And you’ll have a way of knowing just where everything should go.
NicknamedBob . . . . . . . . June 15, 2004
It must be a friend of Gabzette's telling W that "My Friend Gabzette wants a pony and....
Got what?
Thank you OESY! Yep that did bring a chuckle (and made me hungry). (I can now see that I am not a true Suthinuh.)
Here is Gabzette telling mommy's imaginary friend that she doesn't need a pony - she gets to see them whenever she wants!!!
Good afternoon, OESY.
How is your day going? How's this one?
"If every word I said made you smile, I'd talk forever."
Dang. I need me a map.
Heck. Darwin is in upsidedown Texas.
Since there already was the expression "between a rock and a hard place" no one ever came up with an expression to describe the status of Marylanders during the "recent unpleasantness."
According to the definitions, I seem to be a true Southerner, but during the "Civil War" Maryland was occupied by federal troops.
So what would you call being South of the Mason-Dixon line, and North of the U.S. Capitol?
Pure aggravation, I think it must have been.
You got what it takes to write that poem, dude (tough guy, die hard poet.)
You think that's bad.........I lived EAST of the Mason Dixon line for 21 years.
When are you leaving? I hope you enjoy your trip! (Did you get the blue dress that you liked?)
That big pretty smile is for her thoughts about feeding and petting and riding the pony she's getting for her Birthday!
"Oh mommy you're the greatest mommy in the whole whole world. My pony is beautiful."
Ohhhhhh .... they are lovely. Thank You!!!!!
We enjoy your visits whenever you are able to come by.
ValerieUSA does drive-by photo posting, I think I have been doing drive-by ping answering. ;~)
You've been talking to my wife, haven't you?
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