WANTED: Good Come-backs and Put-downs

Me | 12/28/03 | ILBBACH

[ILBBACH]

I have a cousin who had throat cancer and had half his tongue removed as well as other tissue in this throat. Needless to say, he doesn't speak well at all and is usually very frustrated.

However, the doctors were unable to remove his sense of humor. He is the same smart-@ss he was before, and still has a sardonic and acerbic wit.

For a (belated) Christmas present, I would like to give him a set of business cards that have come-backs and put-downs on them.

I know he would love it, and I'll tell you - the nastier, the better!

I thought this would be the best place to find such information, considering that you are the most witty and creative people I know!

If you think your contribution is really "bad," Freepmail me (and don't worry about shocking me, my dad was in the Marines for almost 40 years)!

[ILBBACH]

This should be fun as well as informative!

[ILBBACH]

It was your post...

Just remember this... The Lord loves you, but the rest of us think you're an a$$hole...

...that inspired my idea.

Please pass this on to those you know who could also be "inspirational!"

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

YOUR Wit and Humor needed PING
Take a moment and read this thread.
Please keep in mind that this is a family forum.

ILBBACH : This should be an interesting thread!

[Brad’s Gramma]

Well now, I'll have to sleep on this.....but DO have fun!!!!

[JackelopeBreeder]

Two of my favorites:

"So tell me, did your parents have the same last name before they were married?"

"You evidently suffer from delusions of adequacy."

[Mo1]

Hmmmmm .. let's see ... nasty??

One I always use is .. Common Sense it not so Common

Another one is .. Did you go to school to be an idiot or were you just born that way?


A friend sent this to me .. "It's always nice to know your dearest friends secretly believe you capable of snapping and going postal at any moment..."

[Oorang]

"I can be more uncivilized than you"

"Are you always an a***ole or do you just save it up for special days"

[glock rocks]

"You obviously overestimated my interest."

[onyx]

Top ten really mean put-downs:

10. I’d like you better if you were a corpse.

9. Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean it’s correct.

8. When I think about things I’d like to do, the thing I think about most often is throwing a hair dryer in the bathtub with you.

7. I’d listen more closely to what you have to say, but I keep getting distracted by all the flying diarrhea.

6. Children and animals are scared of you for very good reasons.

5. My sympathies to your mother.

4. Sorry about the lack-of-brainpower thing. Gosh, that must be hard to live with.

3. I can tell your parents must have done like a ton of acid before you were born.

2. Don’t ask me, ask your lover—Satan.

1. Your life sucks because you suck.

Honorable mentions:

God’s ashamed about you. He’d like to take you back and try again.

On the Internet no one knows you’re a dog. Wait, actually, we all do know that about you, it’s just that we’re too polite to mention it.

If you don’t have low self-esteem, you should.

Don’t be paranoid. We’re not all out to get you. We don’t care nearly enough.

The reason you have a headache is because God is trying to kill you slowly.

You’re the reason no one wants human cloning.

Your momma called. She said, “Die, you unnatural freak of nature.”

I guess it’s a blessing you don’t know how ugly you are.

I used to like you, but then I stopped shooting up.

FROM: http://inessential.com/2001/12/28.php

[Mo1]

LOL .. I like that one

[Cultural Jihad]

During the early days of the republic, Henry Clay encountered his ancient foe, John Randolph, on a narrow sidewalk, bordering a muddy street, a quagmire of hay, horse manure, and chicken droppings. Randolph, who was wearing a gun and was accompanied by two bodyguards, said, ``I never step aside for scoundrels.''

Clay considered the odds for a moment, and then, stepping aside, said, ``I always do.''

[Rockitz]

I found a whole website on this subject, but it's on my fave list at work. Pinging myself for a reminder tomorrow.

[trussell]

I may sound funny, but you're UGLY and I can keep MY mouth shut.

I may be fat but your UGLY and I can diet.

[Radix]

So, you really think that half a tongue is better then none? Well, I don't want to talk about it.

 

Remember the good old days, when you really cared about my opinions?

Hey Doc, that is not a knife, this is a knife!

 

I once knew a guy who was a semi-pro wrestler. One day he lost a fight, and his arm was twisted really bad. His elbow came to be shaped like an Ess. Now he cannot tell his Ess from his elbow, and the doctors were unable to remove his sense of humor.

[ILBBACH]

Thanks, girlfriend!

Those are priceless!

[ILBBACH]

So, you really think that half a tongue is better then none? Well, I don't want to talk about it.

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

[Entropy Squared]

I like:

"You need to upgrade your information sources."

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

Pinging some of the funniest guys on FR...

[ILBBACH]

Damn, girl - you're all over it, aren't you!!!

[ETERNAL WARMING]

When we were teenagers in NJ, we had a saying that never fails to make my kids hoot..."Go Scratch!" It means...go scratch your a$$ or go to h.