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Posted on 04/29/2026 9:16:42 AM PDT by DFG
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a devastating setback to the Democratic Party, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that they have to stop being racist.
In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court ruled today that discriminating based on a person's skin color is, in fact, illegal. The verdict comes as a heavy blow to the Democratic Party, which has vowed to keep fighting for the right to be openly racist.
The majority opinion, authored in unusually plain English, opens with the line, "Seriously, you guys can't keep doing that," before citing centuries of legal precedent and basic moral reasoning.
"This is a dark day for our democracy," said Democratic Representative Pete Aguilar. "We've been racist for a long, long time. Frankly, we believe that all voting district maps should be drawn based on the locations of fried chicken eateries. What's the problem with that? Not being racist would be really hard, and we don't want to. This is a disgusting overreach of an unhinged Supreme Court."
At publishing time, Democratic leaders had asked for clarification as to whether they could still be racist against "breakfast tacos."
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Parody today, news tomorrow.
Very pleased. It’s the right call.
Title cracked me up! Its so true.
Division of people by race has really been their core guiding principle since its creation
Founded by Andrew Jackson, man of the people, and truly a foul racist who started off by rounding up largely peaceful, settled, productive, and English-speaking, Christian, Indians and marching them West.
Party of Slavery & the Civil War
Party of the KKK
Party of Jim Crow
Party that rounded up Japanese in WWII
Party that created the welfare state to destroy the black family
Party of Margaret Sanger to abort black babies
Et al.
Oh derb
Fat fingers small phone
That should be
Oh dern
They can’t stop; it’s who they are.
Of course, the Democrats will assert they have “never” been racist. All that was somehow a twisting of their words, they did not mean it, it was a joke, they were just using a little hyperbolic language.
Sorry, folks, there are just a few too many examples of the words that imply a racist attitude clearly recorded on video and audio showing up, most of them in anger and the heat of the moment.
Lying sacks of horse biscuits.
The Babylon Bee: Satire today, news tomorrow...
Where’s the satire?
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