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Unpopular Democrat Gets Debate Canceled [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 March 2026 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/30/2026 10:59:38 AM PDT by John Semmens

The University of Southern California (USC) and Los Angeles television station KABC tried to have a gubernatorial debate on March 24. The qualifying criteria for being invited included polling numbers and fundraising thresholds. Six candidates made the cut: four Democrats: Katie Porter, Tom Steyer, Eric Swalwell and Matt Mahan, and two Republicans: Chad Bianco and Steve Hilton.

Democrat Xavier Becerra, who didn't make the cut, called the qualifying criteria "biased. Every one of those who were invited is white. They should all withdraw from this racist so-called debate." His reasoning was so powerful that USC decided to cancel the debate because "Mr. Becerra's objection created a significant distraction from the issues that matter to voters."

Hilton and Bianco are currently running first and second in the polls. Hilton lambasted "the pantywaists at USC for allowing a disgruntled seventh place candidate to bar the six candidates he trails from making their case to the voters by yielding to Becerra's racist complaint. We didn't get to be the top six because of the color of our skin. Each of us has stirred up sufficient interest in our candidacies because we are talking about the issues that matter to the voters."

Outgoing Gov. Gavin Newsom blamed "the stupid term limits law for denying voters the opportunity to reelect me. I'm the best candidate the Party has for keeping the governorship. I've already won twice. None of the others have done as much for the state as I have. While I was governor nearly 60,000 acres in Los Angeles and Ventura County were cleared for new development. I championed the regulations that drove most of the highly polluting oil refineries to sharply cutback their operations and kept gasoline prices high to discourage unnecessary driving. These successes obviously make me the most qualified candidate for the 2028 presidential election. I will strive to replicate the benefits I achieved for California at a national level."

In related news, House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer (R-Ky) said "despite clear red flags, it appears California leaders have enabled hospice providers to defraud hardworking American taxpayers of over $1 billion in Medicaid funds that were improperly used to provide health care for illegal aliens. Gov. Newsom knew about the fraud for years, but has done absolutely nothing to stop it and has made no attempt to recover the misspent funds."

Newsom defended has inaction by pointing out that "the misappropriated money was spent in California and thus, helped to boost our state's economy. All of the losses were dispersed over the rest of the country. So, on balance, our state benefited from this diversion of the federal funds."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: california; chadbianco; corruption; dei; ericswalwell; gavinnewsom; katieporter; mattmahan; newsom; postandrun; satire; selfpromotion; stevehilton; tomsteyer; xavierbecerra
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1 posted on 03/30/2026 10:59:38 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; BraveMan; cardinal4; ...

2 posted on 03/30/2026 11:23:16 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (TDS -- it's not just for DNC shills anymore -- oh, wait, yeah it is.)
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To: John Semmens

New rule: White people are not allowed to win.


3 posted on 03/30/2026 11:30:27 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy
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To: John Semmens

Over on Facebook, the rivalry between supporters of Chad Bianco and Steve Hilton has grown heated. Hilton supporters play a video showing Bianco and the deputies he commanded kneeling before a Black Lives Matter mob in 2020, while Bianco fans have dug up an old video showing Hilton calling for reparations to descendants of slaves. I just hope this animosity doesn’t result in a Democrat victory in November.


4 posted on 03/30/2026 11:39:47 AM PDT by Fiji Hill
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To: Fiji Hill

Democrats need affirmative action.


5 posted on 03/30/2026 1:05:35 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET
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To: John Semmens

Swalwell did have a fling with Fang Fang. Doesn’t he deserve a little DEI cred?🙄


6 posted on 03/30/2026 3:51:22 PM PDT by Impala64ssa (Laiken Riley and Iryna Zarutska are my daughters. Charlie Kirk is my brother )
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