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Iran Cancels Plan To Attack California After Seeing Gavin Newsom Already Destroyed It
Babylon Bee ^ | 03/11/2026 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/12/2026 9:03:56 AM PDT by DFG

TEHRAN — Rumors of the Ayatollah regime's nefarious plot to launch an assault on the west coast of the United States hit a snag on Wednesday, as Iran canceled plans to attack California after seeing Gavin Newsom had already destroyed it.

The Iranian government had issued threats that it was prepared to take revenge on the U.S. by launching attacks against California, but leaders were said to have reconsidered their plan after intelligence reports showed that the state had been completely decimated under Newsom's leadership.

"You can't destroy something that's already destroyed," said a spokesman for the supreme leader. "We were deep into strategizing a way to inflict mass destruction on California in the nation of the Great Satan, but our secret operatives said there's nothing left to do that hasn't already been done there. Rampant crime, crumbling infrastructure, raging wildfires, and, how you say… poop all over the streets. We're not sure we could do anything that would make it worse."

Sources revealed that the Iranians had reached out to Governor Newsom's office to offer congratulations on the job he did wiping out California. "What he has accomplished is impressive," one insider said. "He's done more to cripple America and strike fear in the hearts of Americans than we could ever hope to do. Well done, Governor Newsom. We admire you greatly, sir."

At publishing time, the Iranian government had reportedly asked Newsom if he was interested in becoming the next supreme leader when the position inevitably becomes available.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ayatollah; babylonbee; california; highspeedfail; iran; lol; newsom; noisome; satire; sparklebeachken; tootrue

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1 posted on 03/12/2026 9:03:56 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Never interrupt your enemy when they are in the middle of making a mistake.


2 posted on 03/12/2026 9:04:53 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy
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To: DFG

👏 👏 👏 🏆


3 posted on 03/12/2026 9:06:59 AM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. )
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To: DFG

That plus Iran finding out that their imbedded cells have mostly gone native.


4 posted on 03/12/2026 9:24:07 AM PDT by fella ("As it was before Noah so shall it be again," )
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To: DFG

Iran could have destroyed the Palisades but NewSCUM already set it in fire and killed 13 people so he could “reimagine” it in his own commie vision, full of low income housing


5 posted on 03/12/2026 9:26:25 AM PDT by Sarah Barracuda
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To: DFG

Good one.


6 posted on 03/12/2026 9:35:35 AM PDT by McGruff
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To: DFG

🤣🤣🤣


7 posted on 03/12/2026 10:14:47 AM PDT by Hammerhead
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To: DFG

They also realized it would be friendly fire.


8 posted on 03/12/2026 10:15:47 AM PDT by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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