Posted on 07/08/2023 4:29:52 PM PDT by John Semmens
Rocked by steep declines in the sales of its beer, Budweiser CEO Brendan Whitworth pleaded with customers to stop boycotting the company's brew.
"First, it's unfair to blame Dylan for what's happened," he said. "This young girl cruelly trapped inside a grown man's body deserves our respect for fighting to be her authentic self. What I'd like to know is, is it worth giving up drinking the greatest beer in the world in order to pile on this poor girl?"
"Second, think about all the people who depend on our company to provide jobs brewing, packaging, and delivering our great beer," Whitworth asked. "Is it fair to them to lose their jobs just because you want to protest your insensitive attitudes toward Dylan? What about their families? Should their children starve just because you irrationally refuse to drink America's best beer?"
"Finally, if you're waiting for me to denounce or distance the company from Dylan before you resume drinking Bud, well, that's not going to happen," the CEO promised. "We've been supporting LGBTQ since 1998. As long as I'm running things our company will never give in to bigots and terrorists. I'm advising you to put aside your prejudices and resume buying our beer for the good of the country, the good of the company and all the people who work here, and the good of your consciences."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,504866.0.html
I hate beer I try once in 1972
He still doesn’t know it’s a fake girl
Bahahaha what an idiot
“.. Budweiser CEO Brendan Whitworth pleaded with customers to stop boycotting the company’s brew...”
Eat my shorts.
I agree Mulvaney didn’t hire himself. It’s Bud Lite’s fault.
“First, it’s unfair to blame Dylan for what’s happened,” he said. “This young girl cruelly trapped inside a grown man’s body deserves our respect for fighting to be her authentic self. What I’d like to know is, is it worth giving up drinking the greatest beer in the world in order to pile on this poor girl?”
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The Board of Directors backs this idiot?
Well, the shareholders only have themselves to blame.
Bite me, Bud.
Oh, well in that case........🖕🍻
When are these idiots going to do what they have to do and Suspend Bud Lite for good and after a period of time introduce a new Lite beer with a New Label and an AD campaign geared to the right audience? I am not holding my breath, but this would be their best option.
It’s called semi-satire for a reason.
I know you said it is semi-satire, but I just want to make sure he didn't really say that.
Nowadays people say so many insane things, it is quite believable that the guy might have said this stuff.
Time to die, ab. I stopped buying goose island because of ab’s policies and will never go back.
“”This young girl cruelly trapped inside a grown man’s body ...”
QED proof that the Bud CEO is an ignorant dumb*ss. Enough of this bull Obama. That tyranny has problems. Big problems. I hold no grudges against the male, but he’s a sick male. Get a room, get a psychiatrist (one with a real education), and go away. We actually feel sorry for you, but still...STFU.
Blow me CEO. If you’re too stupid to know your target market base, then resign.
We don't, you smuck, we blame you and the rest of the corporate executives, officers, and managers.
Talk about clueless…
Not really sure this is satire. Pretty much reads like an accurate chronological account of events.
“What I’d like to know is, is it worth giving up drinking the greatest beer in the world...”
Pfffft... I’m no where near even being a big beer affectioninado and I know better than that.
To me a good beer is dirt cheap and cold in an icy glass on a sweltering summer day, after mowing the yard. Like Ace beer in a gallon jug from a dirt road gas pump in North Cackalacky, next to the stale saltines and buldging tins of oiled sardines. And that’s a true story from 1972.
I am sure those they are trying to get back have already acclimated to their new beer. There is no incentive to go back and easy to continue the boycott.
If you are not going to apologize for supporting child alcoholism and pedophilia — go to ‘Ell. I hope all of your European Sh** hole of a company dies.
Oh, and sympathy for the workers? I have as much for them as I have for the pimps who supply BeijingBiden with his child victims.
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