Posted on 11/08/2022 11:15:32 AM PST by cotton1706
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Fears are growing throughout the nation's capital as record numbers of voters are turning out to polling stations across the country in an effort to end democracy as we know it. Leaders of both parties have been conducting closed-door meetings to determine what should be done.
"In a nation built on democracy, we simply cannot afford to have this many people making their voices heard in a democratic fashion," said one high-ranking member of Congress under the condition of anonymity. "If we let everyone in the country legally vote to choose the nation's leadership, democracy itself may be lost forever. Democracy!"
In order to calm the intense waves of voter turnout, plans were being hatched and put into motion from coast to coast. While vote tabulating machines in Maricopa County, Arizona were being commanded to malfunction and voters in Michigan were being informed that they had already voted, other potential schemes were rumored to involve blaring Nickelback at polling locations and even unleashing hatchet-wielding badgers in major urban centers.
"We'll do anything to make sure people stop exercising their right to vote," another Congressional staffer said. "Just think — if record numbers of people were to actually vote, our entire democratic process would collapse in on itself. Things might actually change, and we can't have that!"
At publishing time, calls had already been made to Dr. Anthony Fauci and the NIH to fast-track the release of their newest deadly virus with the hope that a new global pandemic might save democracy as we know it.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Too true to be satire
I prefer Franklin’s “Republic” over Stalin’s “Socialist” Democrazy. “The Battle Hymm of the Democrazy” sounds like a goofy name for a song.
Honey-badger don't need no stinking hatchet!!
“You have voted for Republicans,” the Alexa like voice of the voting machine chimed, “now casting your votes for Democrats. Officers, please take this insurrectionist away!”
Could have easily had an article titled “Boxes Of Ballots Show Up To Save Democracy”. I think this may end up being closer to the actual outcome (I said “outcome”, not “truth” - there is no overall truth or honestly in US elections).
One of the Bee’s best ones yet.
ROTF! These guys are geniuses.
*
LOL!
@caroljsroth
At what time is democracy scheduled to die? And will it be in darkness, because I was told it would be (probably because of ending daylight saving time or something).
Another LOL!
Well, there you go. Give everybody a chance to vote and everybody will want to vote. I didn’t see a single copy of the New York Times or the Washington Post at my polling place so I know they couldn’t have been informed voters...
bookmark
Nickelback?
The fiends!
They must be stopped.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.