Posted on 10/31/2022 2:01:07 PM PDT by DFG
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a shocking statement to police, Paul Pelosi claimed that he was assaulted by a man who threw hammers at him while shouting, "THIS IS MAGA COUNTRY!"
According to sources, Paul Pelosi was simply trying to enjoy a Subway sandwich in his underwear when another man in his underwear broke into his house and attacked him with a hammer.
"All I know is I was attacked by this MAGA Republican who is a registered member of the Green Party. Why would someone do this, especially right before the midterm elections?" said Paul Pelosi. "My only conclusion is that this must be a direct act of far-right political violence, as opposed to another crime committed by the rampant mentally ill."
"This far-right-leaning city of San Francisco just isn't safe anymore," continued Paul. "I'm not sure why there was no security present and nothing was caught on camera, but I have the hammer to prove it."
Local authorities also confirmed that all 52 security cameras on the property had been turned off during the incident and that their server data was purged with bleach while the security team was fast asleep.
At publishing time, Paul Pelosi had been once again injured while using Harry Reid's old exercise bike.
buzzzzzzzzzz
Too soon?
They got me again.
Obviously Donald Trump must be immediately arrested, and all his political supporters rounded up and sent to reeducation camps.
Oops.
I know I carry a hammer and a bag of zip ties with me ..whever I walk around at 2 am in my underpants.
And Paul screamed aloud, “you naughty, naughty boy. Nice underwear too.”
Hammers were thrown in Super Mario Bros too
Videos.
Audio.
Wearable videos.
Transcripts.
Need it.
We’ll see if it is forthcoming.
Yes! There it is!
Jussie Smollett redux.
Sickles can be a deadly weapon, even more so than hammers, but they require much more skill, and are subject to being deflected by brute force. Hammers are pretty straightforward.
Can’t win with a hammer? Get a bigger hammer.
When your only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a crushing election defeat nail.
Why post this BS? But if you must, please put a disclaimer in the headlines.
Fiction merges with reality again.
what movie is that?
I thought this was “Politico” or “The Hill.”
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