Man Asks That You Respect His Preferred Adjectives [Satire]

Babylon Bee ^ | February 15, 2021 | Staff

[C19fan]

Ted Becker never worried much about his pronouns, but he has still found the language of others to be hurtful and demeaning. That’s because people use adjectives to describe him that are not at all descriptions he identifies with. So Becker now has made public his list of “preferred adjectives” he’d like people to use when referring to him.

“Here are the adjectives I identify with,” Becker put on social media. “‘Cool, witty, handsome, innovative, fun.’ Please use one of these adjectives when describing me.”

[FatherofFive]

It’s unlikely he’ll be able to make it illegal to describe him with other adjectives than those he approved because of that pesky First Amendment

No, it’s because he is a white male.

but very good

[pinkandgreenmom]

My cousin, a rabid feminazi left wing university professor, recently wrote a book. In the “about the author” section on amazon it has her name (which is Nicole) followed by “(she/her/hers)”. I guess this is a thing?

[philled]

My daughter is trying to select a college. She was accepted at one that is overly self-righteous and activist. Thankfully, it has fallen out of her top five but they continue the email / mail recruitment blitz. Their admissions people indicate “their pronouns” (actually helpful on one after we looked at the directory) on their communications. I started replying back with (No, Nope, Never) as those are my preference.

[Jewbacca]

Humorous piece as always.

In seriousness, why is it OK for a person to pick the pronouns one uses to refer to said person?

Said person’s demand that you speak in a certain way is very intrusive and controlling and an invasion of the speaker’s rights.

[mjp]

That’s because people use adjectives to describe him that are not at all descriptions he identifies with.

Astrological adjectives for my birth date do not describe my identity correctly. Does that negate astrology?

[Mr. Jeeves]

Yes - even a lot of idiot corporate executives on LinkedIn are starting to add preferred pronouns to their profiles. Makes it easier for us normal people to know who to avoid doing business with, though. :)

[Hardastarboard]

"Your Most High and Holy Majesty" works for me.

But - if "Master and Ruler of the Existing Universe and All Alternate Universes" isn't taken, that will work as well.

[gitmo]

I had to fill out a medical form recently. It asked what my sex was at birth and what it is today.

I said I don’t really remember much about the day I was born. Today I’m male.

[NWFree]

I’ll insist on identifying with Mr. Awesome as far as leftists are concerned.

[bobbo666]

Depends on the state. In NYC you are required (like in Canada — see JordanPeterson) to use their/its chosen identity.
My response is gonna be: “I ID as Queen Eliz. Kneel before me knave or off with your ‘ead. “

[bobbo666]

All they want is for you to submit.
That is all that this is about. A test to see if you can be enslaved. That has been the goal for years in the corruption of common word definitions/useage.
Pretend Satan is negotiating a deal. Any response but “F you” means a bit of your soul has been irredeemably (sp?) lost. Do not compromise.
You don’t have to sound judgemental — which will provoke an arguement. Just “no”. You don’t have to justify.
It’s sorta like a bum/panhandler begging for money.

[rktman]

Won’t a simple “Yes dear.” do? :-)

[JayAr36]

I have only three adjectives for the people I meet.

He, She, and It!

[NetAddicted]

Rd later.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

So far, Twitter really likes the idea of enforcing preferred adjectives, because that will help keep their banning policy the way they like it: arbitrary and nonsensical (though they prefer you don’t use those adjectives).

Everything else was twitch of the lips amusing but that line provoked outright giggles.

[MikelTackNailer]

Schoolhouse Rock!

"Unpack Your Adjectives"

Got home from camping last spring.
Saw people, places and things.
We barely had arrived,
Friends asked us to describe
The people, places and every last thing.
So we unpacked our adjectives.

I unpacked "frustrating" first.
Reached in and found the word "worst".
Then I picked "soggy" and
Next I picked "foggy" and
Then I was ready to tell them my tale.
'Cause I'd unpacked my adjectives.

Adjectives are words you use to really describe things,
Handy words to carry around.
Days are sunny or they're rainy
Boys are dumb or else they're brainy
Adjectives can show you which way.

Adjectives are often used to help us compare things,
To say how thin, how fat, how short, how tall.
Girls who are tall can get taller,
Boys who are small can get smaller,
Till one is the tallest
And the other's the smallest of all.

We hiked along without care.
Then we ran into a bear.
He was a hairy bear,
He was a scary bear,
We beat a hasty retreat from his lair.
And described him with adjectives.

(You can even make adjectives out of the other parts of speech, like
verbs or nouns. All you have to do is tack on an ending, like "ic"
or "ish" or "ary". For example, this boy can grow up to be a huge
man, but still have a boyish face. "Boy" is a noun, but the ending
"ish" makes it an adjective. "Boyish": that describes the huge
man's face. Get it?)

Next time you go on a trip,
Remember this little tip:
The minute you get back,
They'll ask you this and that,
You can describe people, places and things...
Simply unpack your adjectives.
You can do it with adjectives.
Tell them 'bout it with adjectives.
You can shout it with adjectives.

[PapaBear3625]

My cousin, a rabid feminazi left wing university professor, recently wrote a book. In the “about the author” section on amazon it has her name (which is Nicole) followed by “(she/her/hers)”. I guess this is a thing?

One of the things that got actress Gina Carano in trouble was, when she was pressured to put her "preferred pronouns" on her twitter account, she put down "Boop/bop/beep":