Posted on 12/31/2020 3:56:03 PM PST by DFG
It's official: 2020 was the worst year ever, except for almost all the other years in human history! Will 2021 be a better year? Take a look at the Babylon Bee's official list of infallible predictions for next year and decide for yourself!
January 1 - New Year resolutions begin
January 5 - New Year resolutions downgraded
January 20 - Biden sworn in
January 21 - Biden dies of natural causes
January 22 - Trump announces 2024 presidential run
January 23 - 2024 Campaign kicks off
January 25 - Obama releases new memoir
January 27 - Feminists finally begin to reverse Handmaid's Tale
February 1 - All remaining Trump supporters hunted down and executed
February 2 - Electoral college, First Amendment, Second Amendment, churches, and capitalism eliminated
February 3 - Democrats announce return to unity
February 29 - China officially annexes United States
March 1 - Pronouns must be tattooed on forehead or hand
March 3 - Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up the moon
March 6 - Elon Musk fixes moon
March 10 - Obama releases new memoir
March 21 - COVID 20 arrives
March 25 - FDA approves first permanent mask facial implant
April 1 - Cuomo hunts down remaining elderly in New York
April 19 - Steven Furtick announces he is the Messiah
May 5 - Elon Musk accepts Christ
May 6 - Joel Osteen accepts Christ
May 10 - Obama releases new memoir
June 6 - AOC tweets something dumb
July 3 - Kamala Harris forces gulag prisoners to make bricks without straw
August 15 - Netflix releases Cuties 2
September 5 - CHAZ 2 founded
September 6 - CHAZ 2 dismantled
October 1 - Beth Moore becomes Head Pastor of Christianity
October 8 - Obama releases new memoir
October 11 - ISIS takes over all of Canada
November 17 - Development complete on Cyberpunk 2077
December 10th - We finally find out what the squirrels have been up to
December 25 - Kamala Harris outlaws Christmas and becomes Empress of The World
December 27 - Obama releases new memoir
December 30 - Sydney Powell announces Kraken will finally be released next week
December 31 - Jesus returns
Yikes-- looks like 2021 will be another doozy! Happy New Year!
Same procedure as every year đ#HappyNeuer pic.twitter.com/kIazl0zhlTâ FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) December 31, 2020
I refuse to believe we’re going to have to wait until June before AOC posts something dumb. I have 2 January in the betting pool.
I’m looking forward to reading the 5 new 0bama autobiographies.
LOL! Awesome.
“December 31 - Jesus returns”
Look busy! And...cannot be soon enough for me! :)
It’s not funny anymore.
ML/NJ
I have Jan 1.
âItâs not funny anymore.â
For real!
Babylon Bee stories are getting closer to real life these days.
I love âObama releases new memoirâ...every month or so.
That might be the funniest one.
Yeah me too. Each one will be at least 1000 pages.
Satire, like a SNL skit, is really hard to do well. Mostly it’s a miss.
The only problem with the Bee is that itâs no longer satire, itâs becoming reality.
June 6 AOC tweets sumpin’ dumb? Shouldn’t that be 1/1/2021 ad infinitum?
“Itâs not funny anymore.”
Couldn’t get past the first few lines. Absurdity is becoming reality. SUX
Luckily 2021 is not a leap year so China won’t annex the United States on Feb 29th. Seems a bit sluggish, why not January 29th? Or maybe Super Bowl Sunday?
Predictions for 2021.. Pain. :(
missed it on Chaz 2 - BB might want to change that to Chaz 4
I used to have a calendar that had a holiday for everyday of the year. About once a month it was Bluebeard’s Wedding Anniversary.
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