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Pelosi Delays Stimulus Package Until Her New Souvenir Pens Come In
Babylonbee ^ | 03-26-2020 | Babylonbee

Posted on 03/26/2020 1:09:10 PM PDT by MNJohnnie

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Earlier today, lawmakers had announced they had reached an agreement on a stimulus package, totalling approximately $88 bajillion dollars. (Many expressed concern that we would have to pay this back at some point, but congresspeople assured their constituents that it's just their kids and grandkids who will have to pay for our reckless spending.)

But in a last-minute delay, Pelosi announced that she is out of souvenir pens to sign the bill and send it over to the president. "This is a somber emergency, of course, but it's important that I have a bunch of souvenirs to hand out to supporters, so I can remind everyone that I saved the economy."

"Once my souvenir pens come in, I'll sign our version so we can make this thing law," Pelosi said. "They're on backorder for the next 6-8 weeks, so just hang in there, America."

At publishing time, sources had confirmed the pens are coming from China, further delaying the passing of the stimulus bill.


TOPICS: Government; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire
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Is this really satire or have they stumbled across the truth?
1 posted on 03/26/2020 1:09:10 PM PDT by MNJohnnie
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To: MNJohnnie
Good grief, Babylon Bee has been on a roll lately! 😆😆😆
2 posted on 03/26/2020 1:10:31 PM PDT by PROCON (Molon Labe)
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To: MNJohnnie

Pretty sure it’s satire. It’s scheduled for Friday. She signs nothing.


3 posted on 03/26/2020 1:10:44 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: MNJohnnie

Hard to tell BB satire from truth.


4 posted on 03/26/2020 1:12:30 PM PDT by gattaca ("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
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To: Sacajaweau
Pretty sure it’s satire.

Any article from the Bee is satire. It's what they do. And they're doing it very good these days.

5 posted on 03/26/2020 1:13:39 PM PDT by upchuck (Democrats are always the problem, never the answer.)
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To: MNJohnnie

You can tell it’s satire by “$88 bajillion dollars.” It’s pretty well know the true sum is only 8 bajillion dollars.


6 posted on 03/26/2020 1:15:16 PM PDT by Flash Bazbeaux
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To: Flash Bazbeaux

LOl! That was very good


7 posted on 03/26/2020 1:16:08 PM PDT by MNJohnnie (They would have abandon leftism to achieve sanity. Freeper Olog-hai)
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To: MNJohnnie

bzzzzzzzzzz


8 posted on 03/26/2020 1:16:24 PM PDT by SgtHooper (If you remember the 60's, YOU WEREN'T THERE!)
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To: SgtHooper

https://webmail.lerctr.org/~transit/healy/hello.wav


9 posted on 03/26/2020 1:18:06 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: Flash Bazbeaux

How many bajillions in a zillion?


10 posted on 03/26/2020 1:20:15 PM PDT by wrcase
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To: MNJohnnie

The fact you have to ask about satire show you what Pelosi is really all about


11 posted on 03/26/2020 1:21:49 PM PDT by BigEdLB (BigEdLB, Russian BOT, At your service)
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To: MNJohnnie

I was about to blow a fuse until I saw the source.


12 posted on 03/26/2020 1:23:03 PM PDT by OrangeHoof (The Democrats - Unafraid to burn in Hell.)
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To: MNJohnnie

We all know the drill. She’ll do her usual simpering walk and bizarre facial contortions for the cameras and give her canned speech about helping the families who are depending on government for their every need. And she’ll get in her private jet and disappear to plan her next attack on President Trump.


13 posted on 03/26/2020 1:24:12 PM PDT by txrefugee
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To: MNJohnnie

Surely Satire - but knowing those AH’s likely the truth!

peelowsee is a real boneheaded b*tch


14 posted on 03/26/2020 1:25:13 PM PDT by ldish (Have had enough...you??????)
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To: MNJohnnie

It’s Nancy’s 80th Birthday today so expect nothing but a line of people to kiss her feet


15 posted on 03/26/2020 1:30:30 PM PDT by butlerweave
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To: Sacajaweau

And if she signs AND passes out pens??


16 posted on 03/26/2020 1:32:18 PM PDT by Exit148
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To: MNJohnnie

Watch Snopes fact-check this.


17 posted on 03/26/2020 1:34:19 PM PDT by TChad (The MSM, having nuked its own credibility, is now bombing the rubble.)
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To: MNJohnnie

Babylon Bee is satire, but boy they have been on a roll!


18 posted on 03/26/2020 1:35:49 PM PDT by Beowulf9
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To: PROCON

and UPS is backed up as hell.


19 posted on 03/26/2020 1:38:58 PM PDT by Colt1851Navy (What was wrong with Nixon?)
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To: MNJohnnie

It’s Babylon Bee.

So...... Yes.


20 posted on 03/26/2020 1:41:13 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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