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Democrats Vow to Break John Roberts
Counterjab ^ | 08/01/2005 | Chris Davis

Posted on 08/01/2005 5:38:24 PM PDT by writer33

Washington—In a stunning twist of events, key Democrats have vowed to break the will of Supreme Court nominee John Roberts. After an eight hour meeting behind closed doors—consisting of Democratic senators Ted Kennedy, Dick Durbin, Patrick Leahy, Barbara Boxer and John Kerry—the senators emerged ready to pounce on Roberts.

“This nominee is beyond the pale,” said Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA, as he stepped to the podium. “Bush thinks he’s laid down the law, but he hasn’t seen nothing yet. We’re gonna break the man’s will. Make him wish he was never born. Hurt him, emasculate him and keep him from accepting a nomination to any federal court in this land ever again! By the time we’re through, Justice Bork’s nomination will have been mild by comparison.”

If Roberts is confirmed, he would be the fourth Roman Catholic on the nine-member court, a proportion that might seem inordinately high, except that he also would be only the 10th Catholic in the court’s 215-year history, making Catholics a bad choice for the Supreme Court and leaving the country to wonder if Bush isn’t trying to create a theocracy.

“Politicians can often be blamed for playing the race card,” noted Sen. John Kerry, D-MA. “But Mr. Bush is playing the religion card and we’re not going to stand for it. If Roberts refuses to answer any questions regarding his position on abortion, I’m going to get out of my chair and slap him. We’re not playing around! This isn’t a game Bush!”

The 1973 Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision gave American women the right to an abortion in the first trimester of pregnancy, and regulated the procedure during the second trimester “in ways that are reasonably related to maternal health.” In the third trimester, a state can choose to proscribe abortion “for the preservation of the life or health of the mother.” 61 percent of respondents say Roberts should publicly state his position on abortion, but only 43 percent think the senators would be justified in voting against the nominee if he refuses to address the issue.

Protesters from both sides of the abortion debate faced off outside a Northwest D.C. Planned Parenthood clinic with competing messages for Capitol Hill. Some 60 demonstrators carried signs and chanted slogans meant for Congress as it prepares for Judge John Roberts’ Supreme Court confirmation hearings in the fall. Roberts has not publicly stated his views on abortion, but has previously called for overturning Roe-versus-Wade, the Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion.

“America won’t go back to the days before Roe-vs-Wade,” shouted Michele Bolinger, abortion-rights activist. “We can’t afford to send women back to less than sterile environments filled with dirty clothes hangers. This nominee is an outrage!”

“I’m with Rush Limbaugh on this matter,” commented Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-CA. “If Roberts would actually perform an abortion right there during questioning, I might overlook the fact that he’s a bigoted Catholic. Everyone knows you can’t trust Catholics.”

“Catholics scare me,” said Sen. Dick Durbin, D-IL. “They’re a bunch of anti-abortion, icky bead wearing, idol-worshipping people. I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could bowl them. So bring on Roberts. I’m ready to send him packing back where he came from.”

“There are already three token Catholics on the court,” whined Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-VT. “Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas are both Catholics and look at what a disaster they’ve been. Scalia’s son is even a priest for God’s sake! I haven’t a clue as to how he got on the court to begin with. It’s got to stop now, and believe me, we’re going to do our level best against Bush’s ignorant nomination. Of course I might overlook things if Roberts turns out to be an Anthony Kennedy Catholic, or even Islamic. That would make me and the country feel so much better.”

It is said that Roberts has not spoken publicly since being tapped by Bush but has been meeting individually with senators on Capitol Hill. White House spokesman Scott McClellan said this week he did not know whether the nominee was being asked about how his faith might affect his work on the court.

Shannen Coffin, a Catholic friend of Roberts and a former deputy assistant attorney general in the Bush administration, predicted Roberts would “separate personal philosophy from legal philosophy. Being Catholic, I don’t think, affects him any more than if he’s Hindu.”

Democratic senators, however, know better. To allow another conservative Catholic on the court would be like inviting Dr. Jack Kevorkian over for dinner. So, the country takes a deep breath and waits for the battle royale in Washington, assuring continued liberal dominance in the federal court systems.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Computers/Internet; Conspiracy; Government; Humor; Miscellaneous; Politics; Society
KEYWORDS: 109th; hahahahahahahahahaha; hohohohahahahahahaha; humor; itsajokeright; johnroberts; laughtime; obstructionistdems; ohhohohohohahaha; scotus; toofunny
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To: NYTexan

Thanks for reading and pinging the list, NYT. I appreciate it.


121 posted on 08/01/2005 8:16:20 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: nopardons

Yes. I was being a smart aleck. :)


122 posted on 08/01/2005 8:16:48 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: writer33

Tell me about it - considering it was dang near 10 years ago :)

And on that note - I am off to bed!!!!!

Have a good night, FRiend!


123 posted on 08/01/2005 8:17:44 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: Portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: writer33

Oh. Unless marked, I am sort of blind to sarcasm.


124 posted on 08/01/2005 8:19:06 PM PDT by nopardons
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To: Gabz

Goodnight, Gabz. You've given us ten years of #$@!


125 posted on 08/01/2005 8:30:50 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: nopardons

From now on, no sarcasm with you. But you can elaborate on Bob Grant. I'm always interested to learn more about conservatives and conservatism.


126 posted on 08/01/2005 8:31:49 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: writer33

I can't believe Doughboy Kennedy has the gall to critisize John Roberts for being Catholic or for anything else. He who left an innocent girl to drown in Chappaquidic (okay I misspelled it--I'm in a hurry!) all those years ago and never suffered for it for one moment since in his own mind....what mind he has left that booze hasn't burned up!

I heard someone say that if Roberts was confirmed as the 5th Catholic that they could just hang a string of bowling balls around the Statue of Liberty and call the country Vatican II! Now that is outrageous!!!

Hi, writer--good stuff!


127 posted on 08/01/2005 8:44:20 PM PDT by luvie (A BAD DAY FOR THE DIMS IS A GOOD DAY FOR THE COUNTRY!!!!!! GO BOLTON-CLEAN HOUSE AT THE UN!!! :o))
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To: LUV W

It's a theocracy or bust, LW. :)


128 posted on 08/01/2005 8:45:57 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: ken5050

I thought that "drek" meant garbage. Was the person who told me the meaning, just being polite ?


129 posted on 08/01/2005 8:46:20 PM PDT by nopardons
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To: writer33

I can't stand it. The Democrats are only a tiny bit less outrageous than these sarcastic caricatures of them!


130 posted on 08/01/2005 8:54:30 PM PDT by guitarist
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To: writer33

Guy, you have the DUmmies retoric down so well, I think you've been sipping something along with *hic* Teddy-boy! It is just scary how Durbin's whine and Leahy's righteous indignation, Boxer's total lack of coherence, and Kennedy's boozy fog are captured to a T! Are you sure you're not a closet DUmmie?


131 posted on 08/01/2005 8:54:43 PM PDT by luvie (A BAD DAY FOR THE DIMS IS A GOOD DAY FOR THE COUNTRY!!!!!! GO BOLTON-CLEAN HOUSE AT THE UN!!! :o))
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To: writer33
Thanks...I really am THAT blind to sarcasm.I always take people at their word/face value; especially when something is written and not spoken.

Bob Grant was a fire breathing Conservative radio talk show guy, heard in the N.Y. tristate area, 3+ decades ago and still. But after being battered by NEW YORK MAGAZINE and thrown off WABC, he's just a show of his former self; sadly. He followed in the footsteps of Joe Pyne; BTW.

When Mark snarls "GET OFF MY PHOOOOOOOOOOONE", that a line Grant made famous 30+ years ago.

Grant has always been an extremely powerful voice in the N.Y.C. area and was instrumental in unseating Mario Cuomo and several N.Y. governors as well.

I used to listen to him daily, until we moved out of the area and once we moved back, I listened to him again, until he got too "soft", for me to stand. I've read his autobiography, which you might be interested in reading. It traces not only his own life, but the history of Conservative talk radio, which he really is one of the founding fathers of...much more so than Rush.

132 posted on 08/01/2005 8:56:56 PM PDT by nopardons
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To: guitarist

Glad you enjoyed it, g. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it and keep playing the guitar.


133 posted on 08/01/2005 9:17:25 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: LUV W
Are you sure you're not a closet DUmmie?

My profile gave me away didn't it? I just can't hide. Can I?

:)

134 posted on 08/01/2005 9:20:53 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: nopardons

Thanks for the info, np. I appreciate it.


135 posted on 08/01/2005 9:22:16 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: writer33
I thought it was a knee-slapper. spent some time looking for Kerry pics for you, but I like this Saddam better, so here you are...

bassfire

136 posted on 08/01/2005 9:31:27 PM PDT by bitt ('We will all soon reap what the ignorant are now sowing.' Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: writer33

My pleasure. I didn't want to get too detailed, nor write too much, so I tried to keep it short. There's lots more, but I hope that that sufficed. :-)


137 posted on 08/01/2005 9:32:21 PM PDT by nopardons
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To: bitt

Thanks for posting, bitt. I like the graphic.


138 posted on 08/01/2005 10:45:31 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: nopardons

That sufficed, but I'm always interested in conservatism, np. Thanks again for giving me more details.


139 posted on 08/01/2005 10:46:05 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Thomas Paine and Ronald Reagan.)
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To: wingman1
They have to be like Scrappleface, right?

I hope so. That's how I saw the article. I looked twice to make sure it wasn't scrappleface.

140 posted on 08/01/2005 10:48:00 PM PDT by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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