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Laura Bush Creates Massacre at Free Republic
Counterjab ^ | 05/06/2005 | Chris Davis

Posted on 05/06/2005 6:53:22 AM PDT by writer33

Fresno—In a joyous revelation, Laura Bush created Free Republic’s very own version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, causing the death of the coupe de grace of the coupe de tat. It appeared that posters—known as Freepers—were bickering so much about Laura Bush’s jokes in Washington that they resorted to cannibalism, dismemberment and decapitation of each other in defense of their position on the first lady’s comments.

The posts on the forum reportedly became so hostile that Jim Robinson, the bigoted owner of the site, was forced to pull one of the threads, leaving a lone thread for the carnage to commence as Freepers slaughtered each other.

Along with the hysteria that the closed-minded robots forced on innocent victims, redneck, Christian conservatives were pitted against ignorant, secular and hedonistic conservatives. In a clash of mental midget titans, radio icons, Michael Savage and Bill Bennett, were savaged by unsubstantiated, venomous attacks in this bloodbath. There was, of course, the typical bashing of the New York Times as the witless, free-for-all comments commenced.

“Savage is a pinhead, and everybody else who is getting an attack of the vapors over this little lark needs to think long and hard about the aid and comfort they're giving the enemy,” posted steve-b, an ignoramus of ill repute, taking first amendment rights to their idiotic conclusions.

However, steve-b’s asinine posts didn’t end there. In his address to Wallace T., he slammed Bill Bennett’s for his comments on the Laura Bush’s jokes. “I still think Bill Bennett was massaging out a cramp he got from trying to work a balky nickel-slots handle.” The carnivores were out and just getting started.

Pippin joined the slaughter of the innocents, commenting, “Someone should tell Michael ‘Bush is scum’ Savage to SHUT HIS BIG FAT MOUTH!” Immaturity was in the air as the obvious kindergarten antics were in full force.

The Leatherfaces of Free Republic also began to hack and slash with intellectual immaturity, attacking the Christian right. “The people who are feigning moral disgust at what Laura said are nothing short of perverted,” whined ohioWfan. “Not one solid, moral Christian I know on this forum—and in my 'real' life—thought the First Lady's comments were immoral. Those who are screaming the loudest are complete frauds.” The only fraud here was the lack of any grain of moral fiber whatsoever from ohioWfan. As we’ve all heard, “A hit dog always hollers.” Well, the hit dogs were screaming bloody murder on May 3, 2005.

“I love the ‘holier than thou’ crowd going nuts and analyzing every word, trying to better up one another,” hammered repinwi, with a post that could’ve come straight from the Democratic Underground.

“Holier-than-thou nut jobs pretty well sums it up,” blasted Samwise, an unwise hobbit and moron.

“You would have a problem if it were a Hallmark movie,” screamed the repugnant repinwi, assaulting Iscool, a person that only espoused Christian beliefs, and was rumored to be far more morally superior.

And finally, the person that spewed more drivel with ten hours of mindless attacks on the Christian right, posted, “I hereby officially call to order the Free Republic Anally Retentive ‘Holier Than Thou Prudes’ on Parade!” This is typical coming from a person that’s only happy when miserable, better known as the type of person that embodied the Leatherfaces of Free Republic, verbally hacking to pieces innocent victims in broad cyberlight for all to see.

Laura Bush, the First Lady of the United States, has now brought down a forum that no liberal could ever touch. Lawmakers and pundits across America took notice at the carnage.

“This is wonderful,” yelled Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “I’ve detested that site for years! Knowing that it’ll be gone will encourage me to continue to ramrod California for years to come!”

“I think it’s hilarious,” mocked Al Franken. “We’ve all known these people eat their own. And to do it over the First Lady is just the best gift a liberal could have!”

Even one of the United States greatest presidents, Bill Clinton, noted, “It’s great news! I hated that site when I was in my second term. And to think it won’t be around when Hillary runs in 2008. You’re the best Howlin. Thanks!”

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, known for not mincing words, said, “Boy, will this help during my upcoming campaign. I won’t have these fascists kicking me around anymore. Bye, bye, Free Republic! I’ll keep you in my thoughts.”

In an address to Freepers everywhere, MoveOn.org commented, “Free Republic, known as the premier conservative forum, has become what it despises the most: The Democratic Party. In their Texas Chain Saw Massacre of the Christian right, they have left a pile of bodies and joined the likes of liberals everywhere with their unabashed hatred. They have sadly departed logic and resorted to kindergarten antics and insults, forever stomping out conservatism on the forum. We’re thrilled!”


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Computers/Internet; Conspiracy; Humor; Miscellaneous; Politics; Religion; Society
KEYWORDS: chrisdavis; howlin; laura; laurabush; ohiowfan; whcadinner
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To: writer33

Pretty gutsy of you to stir this pot.


221 posted on 05/06/2005 2:17:29 PM PDT by Aquamarine
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To: MeekOneGOP

Oh my! LOL! This is soon going to be everywhere else, ya know what I mean? Not by me...but by others.

Holy cow!


222 posted on 05/06/2005 2:31:43 PM PDT by JLO
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To: writer33; Howlin
"Even one of the United States greatest presidents, Bill Clinton, noted, “It’s great news! I hated that site when I was in my second term. And to think it won’t be around when Hillary runs in 2008.

You’re the best Howlin. Thanks!”

223 posted on 05/06/2005 2:42:44 PM PDT by JLO
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To: JLO
haha! :)

224 posted on 05/06/2005 2:45:11 PM PDT by MeekOneGOP (There is only one GOOD 'RAT: one that has been voted OUT of POWER !! Straight ticket GOP!)
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To: writer33

Darn, I did not get a mention.


225 posted on 05/06/2005 2:45:45 PM PDT by mware ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche........ "Nope, you are"-- GOD)
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To: JLO

And?


226 posted on 05/06/2005 2:46:31 PM PDT by Howlin (North Carolina, where beer kegs are registered and illegal aliens run free.)
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To: MeekOneGOP

Forgot to ping you, Meek.


227 posted on 05/06/2005 2:46:43 PM PDT by JLO
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To: JLO
bump! :)

228 posted on 05/06/2005 2:49:23 PM PDT by MeekOneGOP (There is only one GOOD 'RAT: one that has been voted OUT of POWER !! Straight ticket GOP!)
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To: Howlin

And? What?

I wasn't noted in the article You must be oblivious how often your name comes up all over the internet.


229 posted on 05/06/2005 2:54:19 PM PDT by JLO
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To: JLO

I've never seen it posted anywhere that opinions and/or facts amount to much more than dog crap in a park.


230 posted on 05/06/2005 2:56:27 PM PDT by Howlin (North Carolina, where beer kegs are registered and illegal aliens run free.)
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To: Tax-chick

Or they are obtuse ;)


231 posted on 05/06/2005 2:58:49 PM PDT by international american (Tagline now flameproof....purchased from "Conspiracy Guy Custom Taglines"LLC)
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To: international american

I wouldn't want to say that about my own immediate family ... at least not to their faces :-).


232 posted on 05/06/2005 3:01:14 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The short, gray-haired lady, with all the kids.)
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To: Tax-chick

Yikes!! Me either!


233 posted on 05/06/2005 3:01:57 PM PDT by international american (Tagline now flameproof....purchased from "Conspiracy Guy Custom Taglines"LLC)
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To: writer33

good one, Chris!!

Altho I don't condone eating one's young...not until all mothers get their presents, at least....


234 posted on 05/06/2005 3:35:23 PM PDT by bitt ("There are troubling signs Bush doesn't care about winning a third term." (JH2))
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To: Tax-chick; international american; Pippin
"Maybe I'm just too subtle..."

I don't get it...

235 posted on 05/06/2005 3:53:17 PM PDT by NicknamedBob ("... why do you always speak in riddles?" / "I solve them all," said the snake. (The Little Prince)
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To: NicknamedBob

Many people have that problem.


236 posted on 05/06/2005 4:00:39 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The short, gray-haired lady, with all the kids.)
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To: Tax-chick; international american
"Many people have that problem."

I like to be underestimated.

It's a deep, psychological desire to be bullied, whipped, lied to, and otherwise ...

... uh, too much information, right?
237 posted on 05/06/2005 4:09:09 PM PDT by NicknamedBob ("... why do you always speak in riddles?" / "I solve them all," said the snake. (The Little Prince)
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To: NicknamedBob

Er. Um ... well. Gosh.


238 posted on 05/06/2005 4:29:16 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The short, gray-haired lady, with all the kids.)
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To: Tax-chick

Just kidding.

I think the big reason there was a disagreement about the humor is that some of it was juvenile, and some folks like to think they are beyond that. How many times have we seen the cartoon of the bull in the line of cows to be milked? -- I still think it's funny.

I never get that far away from the juvenile myself.

But then, I'm the kind of guy who wants to know what George's "that old joke again" was. I'm sure I've heard it, but I like to be positive, ya know?


239 posted on 05/06/2005 4:37:19 PM PDT by NicknamedBob ("... why do you always speak in riddles?" / "I solve them all," said the snake. (The Little Prince)
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To: NicknamedBob

Sometimes I feel guilty about laughing at Mel Brooks ... that's how much of a stump I am. But I still couldn't be offended at Mrs. Bush's remarks. Of course, I don't have any experience with stripping facilities (except of the "Hurry up - there's a line for the bath!" type) so maybe I just didn't get the whole point.


240 posted on 05/06/2005 4:40:21 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The short, gray-haired lady, with all the kids.)
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