Who left the dimensional door open? - Thread 028

OnLine News ^ | 1/29/2002 | Unknown

[acnielsen guy]

THREAD 028

Dregs and Flakes

Posts since 1/29/02 30,158

[lodwick]

[grannie9]

And just what are you inferring you young whippersnapper???

Did you notice the lovely set of teeth to go along with my new chest on my last pic of me?

tsk tsk... Will you young-uns ever learn?

[grannie9]

You hush up you lousy, smarmy, hoity toity English, indian giver.

I thought you loved me and we were making a deal.. Sheesh..takin in by a smoooth talka... with a small...................mind..

[lodwick]

[grannie9]

Now that I know AC better, I should maybe try another business.. He can be my first customer..;)

[lodwick]

heheh - good grief Garn.

[grannie9]

You started it.. !!!

[habs4ever]

So soon for ACe? I think December at the earliest ;-)Bonita Springs is a goldmine for someone with your talents.

[grannie9]

Habitual... you dumb-cluck.. jeeeze..

[grannie9]

Naw.. I might have to move to St. Pete's.. ;)

[Darksheare]

Sleep and dreams are tied together.
Obviously. Yet sometimes dreams seem to have no obvious link to the waking world.
And, songs. Music in dreams that doesn't exist. And upon waking up, smelling perfume that isn't really there.

[Darksheare]

I wouldn't do that to someone..
too often.

[lodwick]

Mama said

[Darksheare]

And...?

[lodwick]

Ridin' With Private Malone

I was just out of the service thumbing through the classifieds
When an ad that said old Chevy some how caught my eye
The lady didn't know the year or even if it ran

But I had that thousand dollars in my hand

It was way back in the corner of this old ramshackle barn
With thirty years of dust and dirt on that green army tarp
When I pulled the cover off it took away my breath
What she'd called a Chevy was a sixty six corvette

I felt a little guilty as I counted out the bills
But what a thrill I got when I sat behind the wheel
I opened up the glove box and that's when I found the note
The date was nineteen sixty six and this is what he wrote

He said my name is Private Andrew Malone
If you're reading this then I didn't make it home
But for every dream that's shattered another one comes true
This car was once a dream of mine now it belongs to you
And though you may take her and make her your own
You'll always be riding with Private Malone

Well it didn't take me long at all I had her running good
I love to hear those horses thunder underneath her hood
I had her shining like a diamond and I'd put the rag top down
All the pretty girls would stop and stare as I drove her through town

The buttons on the radio didn't seem to work quite right
But it picked up that oldie show especially late at night
I'd get the feeling sometimes if I turned real quick I'd see
A soldier riding shotgun in the seat right next to me

It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone
Who fought for his country and never made it home
But for every dream that's shattered another one comes true
This car was once a dream of his back when it was new
He told me to take her and make her my own
And I was proud to be riding with Private Malone

One night it was raining hard I took the curve too fast
I still don't remember much about that fiery crash
Someone said they thought they saw a soldier pull me out
They didn't get his name but I know without a doubt

It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone
Who fought for his country and never made it home
But for every dream that's shattered another one comes true
This car was once a dream of his back when it was new
I know I wouldn't be here if he hadn't tagged along
Oh thank God I was riding with Private Malone

[grannie9]

You have fmail...

[lodwick]

An Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, The Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, common sense threw in the towel. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

[grannie9]

Wow!!! That's a winner and a half.. thanks Lod..

[lodwick]

Thanks Gran. Glad that you enjoyed it - I can only post so much crap, before I need to find something a bit more edifying to share. Cheers!

[lodwick]

I saw a funny quote on one of those pitiful "No Right Click" sites: "I feel sorry for people that don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day long."

Cheers!