Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 08/23/2002 8:31:47 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
Make mine an Anchor Steam beer. One of the great things from San Francisco.
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You won't believe this.
Find your (or a friend's) driver's license on the net.
http://www.DriversLicenseSearch.net/
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At the Racetrack:::::
Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race track.
One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.
Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated!
As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses,! and it always came in first.
Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
Mitchell bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last.
Mitchell was dumbfounded.
He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."
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Random Thoughts:
1. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
3. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?"
5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
7. I have my own little world. But it's OK... they know me here.
8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
9. I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
11. I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!
15. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
18. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
20. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
21. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
22. Welcome to Shit Creek -- Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
23. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
24. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
25. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
26. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
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Everyone have a great weekend.
An aside - I see that you and Askel5 have been going at it for some time, huh?
Boy!
Do you have good taste, or what!
(Looks impressed....IS impressed by Joe's good judgement.)
Now, about her taste in guys, and her judgement .... Tell me me again why she's going out with you? 8<)
I keep telling you guys, she says she likes the earring! LOL
A little aside, you wouldn't believe some of the grief this earring has cost me.
Yes, I have it in my right ear, vs the left ear.
I get gay guys coming up to me and asking if I am gay. (I don't look it even though I dress well)
I tell them, "No, I'm not gay" and they tell me, "But you wear an earring in your right ear!", and I say, "AND".
The following is the reason I put the earring in my right ear.
Most people are right handed which means in a fight they will throw a roundhouse right. That means that if I don't duck or block I get hit in the LEFT ear.
I don't want the post permenantly imbedded in my neck, ergo, the right ear it is.
I wouldn't be Gabz then, would I????????
Probably only because that tenth one was a woman!!!!
We think we're having company for dinner tomorrow.
THINK?
How long are you going to be eating on the stock if you DON'T?
WHoooo
You bragging?! LOL!
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