Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 05/03/2002 9:57:12 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
Nyuk nyuk nyuk
Hey did y'all see that Volvo commercial...
Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
Yer kiddin', right?...FHCMD meand From Hands Cold My Dead!!!!...Uhmmm, Barkeep, could have drink another?
FMCDH
[snortle snergle] I KNEW there was somethin going on between you two... Hehehe HOT FOR TEACHER! Way to go, dude...
;)
I'm honored, and she is definately my better half...she's out working and I'm here..."a drunkards' dream if I ever did see one..."
FMCDH
Oh, yeah. BTDT (Been there done that)......
Gotta run an errand. See ya'll in a little bit! :O)
I think it's what I HAVEN'T been watchin'.
I take umbrage to that sir!...That's no "old lady"!...that's my wife!
If she was here, she'd kick your web-arse!...Thankfully for you, she's out working so I can be here......ahhh...I do love that woman so...
FMCDH
Let's ahve some tunes, y'all...
Country music singers have always been a real close family
But lately some of my kinfolk have disowned a few others and me
I guess it's because I went and changed my position
Lord, I guess I went and broke their family tradition
They yell, they wanna know: "Hank.."
Why do you drink? Why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out the songs that you wrote?
Stop and think it over - try to put yourself in this position
When I get stoned, I'm just carryin' on and old family tradition.
Now I am very proud of my daddy's name
Although his kind of music and mine ain't exactly the same
Stop and think it over - try to put yourself in my position
When I get stoned and sing all night long it's just a family tradition
Don't ask me: "Hank..."
Why do you drink? Why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out them songs that you wrote?
If I'm down in a honky tonk, and some ole slick's tryin' to gimme some friction
I says "Leave me alone, I'm stayin' all night long 'cause it's a family tradition"
Lordy, I have loved some ladies, and I still love Jim Beam
They both tried to kill me in nineteen seventy-three
When that doctor asks me "Son, how'dja get in this condition?"
I says "Hey Sawbones, I'm just a-carryin' on the old family tradition."
So don't ask me: "Hank..."
Why do you drink? Why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out them songs that you wrote?
Stop and think it over - try to put yourself in my unique position
When I get stoned and sing all night long, it's just a family tradition.
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb.
His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge.
The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.
"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"
Hi gang. I'll take a great big beer. We moved into a new building and I've been 2 weeks without talk radio. Woe is me. The signal won't come through more than a couple of feet from the window. Dang!
Blond medical terminology
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited
There's a tear in my beer
'cause I'm cryin' for you,
dear you are on my lonely mind.
Into these last nine beers
I have shed a million tears.
You are on my lonely mind
I'm gonna keep on sittin' here
until I'm petriified.
And then maybe these tears
will leave my eyes.
There's a tear in my beer
'cause I'm crying' for you, dear
You are on my lonely mind.
Last night I walked the floor
and the night before
You are on my lonely mind.
It seems my life is through
and I'm so doggone blue
You are on my lonely mind.
I'm gonna keep on sittin' here
till I can't move a toe
and then maybe my heart
won't hurt me so.
There's a tear in my beer
'cause I'm cryin' for you, dear.
You are on my lonely mind.
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