Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 05/03/2002 9:57:12 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
(please don't anyone ask what I am doing coming in here at this ridiculous tiime of the night [morning] when I know I have to have that little one dressed and ready to be in a parade at 9am)
The absolute worst kind - rats. Mice i could deal with a whole lot better (knock on wood I've never had to deal with them) and roaches I know how to deal with.
This may sound like a prejudicial statement - it is not intended to be so.
People - DO NOT, if at all possible, EVER move into a neighborhood where more than 50% of the homes are subsidized housing.
And unless you want to be a landlord - do not even think of BUYING a home in such a neighborhood.
I speak from 10 years of experience.
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In the washroom
Leaving Montreal, I decided to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.
I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken, so I went into the second stall.
I had just sat down when I hear a voice from the other stall...
"Hi there, how is it going?"
Okay, I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road.
On the other hand, I didn't want to be thought of as rude.
So finally I said, "Not bad."
Then the voice says, "So, what are you doing?"
I was starting to find this a bit weird, but I said, "Well, I'm going back east."
Then I hear the person, all flustered, say, "Look, I'll call you back--every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!!!"
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MORE DUMB BLONDES
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
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OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds"
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
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SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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THE VACUUM.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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Another Golf Story
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
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Now, go and have a great weekend!
LOL - it's been more than 24 hours now since we have heard any activity. But we're not easing up at all.
and he thought I might be upset because he bought another gun, LOL!
I understand exactly where he is coming from. I can't even get people that already own section 8 housing to be interested in looking at this place, let alone buying it.
THE VALUE OF UNDERWEAR !
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your
vehicle...especially in public.
From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of
a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have
their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to
carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding
from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack
of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
Someone plugged the speaker jack into the wrong hole. I was not happy when I found that.
Once I got it working, it was just as good as I expected.
ROTFLMAO. Too funny.
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